This is someone that you probably met through a mutual mexican friend playing soccer outside your dorm in college. He loves the words "deadass" and "yeet", as well as over apostrophed words such as "whom'st've." He is probably Muslim, much to the disgust of any Armenians he is unfortunate enough to meet. All in all, he's a solid guy.
Hayaan, you forgot your laptop in our room again!
That Hayaan is always leaving stuff behind!
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.
You didn't get any napkins with your takeout pork fried rice? Womp womp.