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phishing for the net 

Believing you won a PS5 with yr points for trying samples.
i'm tired of phishing for the net. I never even got my PS5.

moving to California to write for the Food Network 

This actually means that the person is moving to California to sell blowjobs at the bus station.
Oh, it's okay, but soon I'll be moving to California to write for the Food Network, and it'll all be better.