chodeiolous effect

The natural phenomenon that causes everything to go to shit. Scientists have theorized that the natural rotation of the earth causes minuscule ripples in the chode-time continuum, resulting in widespread chodeular bullshit. These ripples, in turn, cause shifting of the chodetonic plates, exponentially magnifying the chodestorm. The scientific community has reached a consensus that such events as the extinction of dinosaurs, Nickelback's formation, and the Holocaust were caused by the chodeiolous effect. Many philosophers have alluded to this phenomenon in their works:
Westley, the Dread Pirate Roberts: "Life is pain, Highness"
Whoever the fuck came up with Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"
Batman: "My parents are dead"
Everyone is affected, with the notable exceptions of Satan and his offspring.

Jim: How was your day today Bill?
Bill: Not great. I woke up and we were out of Frosted Flakes. Then I found out I have gonorrhea. Then I turned on the TV and saw that my entire family died in a 10-car pileup on the freeway. Then I checked my fantasy football team and saw my running back on the injury report.
Jim: That's the chodeiolous effect for ya.

chodeiolous effect by Stephen Cocking September 11, 2016