captain schultz 

Borrowing from other Captain ranked negatives(see Captain Obvious and Captain Hindsight) a Captain Schultz is the douche canoe at the worst end of the dish it/take it spectrum. Usually running a joke/prank farther in the ground than acceptable to even the least socially adept individuals (Ex. Carrot Top, Jeff Foxworthy, or an adult with downs that has been telling the same knock knock joke for 27 years) upon having the same joke/prank pulled on him, stomps around throwing a bitch fit big enough to sap the fun out of any environment.

Usually when someone overreacts to something, the natural reaction is to do it more, not with this person, once you have viewed the sad state of affairs in the wake of their unrelenting diatribe, you call it a loss agree to never walk that forsaken path again.

Carl: You know how Randy thinks its still funny to hide people’s shoes?

Don: You didn’t…

Carl: I did, but I just moved them over a foot and put a towel over them.

Don: That explains it. You need to put the shoes back. He promoted himself to Captain Schultz over it. He smashed open the coffee maker looking for them.

Carl: If he just looks right next to where he put them he will…

Don: Not worth it, just return them, we’ll have someone else tell him they are back. Lets never speak of this again.

captain schultz by Mxyzsptlk June 29, 2014