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An Old Lady 

An elderly lass, who by an odd occurrence swallowed a fly. Reasoning that it would be prudent to dispose of the fly as soon as possible, this old lady promptly swallowed a spider. However, she soon found that the arachnid would wriggle and tickle inside of her. Attempting to rid herself of it, the lady swallowed a bird. Presumably a smaller variety, as birds can grow to be quite large. Regardless, the fruitless adventure continued. The lady then swallowed a cat. The feral beast undoubtedly caused a great deal of discomfort on the way down, prompting the lady to take a drastic course of action. Desperate to rid herself of the newfound perplexity, she swallowed an entire cow. How in the world she managed to do this is beyond anyone's comprehension. It would appear very clear that the entirety of this problem could have been avoided if the madam had simply kept her mouth shut. Regardless, the unfortunate saga continued. The lady, obviously very near death, deemed it necessary to get rid of the cow. She swallowed a horse. The internal rupture of her organs became too great at this point, and the lady passed away in great agony.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about what happened?
Person 2: No, what happened?
Person 1: An Old Lady died, dude.
Person 2: Oh shit! How?
Person 1: She swallowed a fly
Person 2: n00b
An Old Lady by Oswaldthefourth October 19, 2009

Mugging an old lady 

there was an old lady who swallowed a fly

one of the darkest children's stories ever that ends every verse with the words "Perhaps She'll Die", with the exception of the very end where the old lady is finally dead
Guy 1: Did you hear how there was an old lady who swallowed a fly?
Guy 2: No what happened to her?
Guy 1: She died
Guy 2: Why did nobody help her?
Guy 1: She died after she ate the horse.
Guy 2: Wtf!

there was an old lady with skin patches who swallowed a horse 

A dark story for children that ends with the words "Perhaps She'll Die", with the exception of the very end where the old lady is finally dead.
Guy 1: Did you hear how there was an old lady with skin patches who swallowed a horse?

Guy 2: No what happened to her?

Guy 1: She died

Guy 2: Why did nobody help her?

Guy 1: She died after she ate the horse with patches and became deaf and her skin fell off

Guy 2: Wtf!

Old lady playin’ squat tag in an asparagus patch 

When your homie starts laggin’ behind and starts being lazy as fuck
God damn it Jarvis, quit actin’ like an old lady playin’ squat tag in an asparagus patch and get movin.’
More from Urban Dictionary
A group of people, typically women, searching through someone’s digital footprint in order to find more information about that person.
Susie wasn’t sure if her new Hinge match was a creep, so she assembled Galantir and they found out he used to post slurs on gaming forums.
Galantir by Ge-sus September 22, 2026
Word of the Day on September 23, 2026

murderhobo 

In a tabletop game, a murderhobo is a player who murders NPCs indiscriminately. This is normally derogatory, referring to a player who totally ignores quests, dialog, backstory, trade, world building etc.

The term is most common with Dungeons and Dragons, but it can be applied to most RPGs where the player is allowed to kill most quest-giving NPCs and NPC traders. E.g. Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Divinity original sin.
DM: The sad little orphan girl tugs at Steve's trenchcoat to get his attention, and ask for help saving her pet dog from...
Steve: I'd like to roll a strength check against strangling the orphan.
Dave: I call dibs on the dog.
DM: You murderhobos disgust me.
murderhobo by Loup&S September 9, 2021
Word of the Day on September 22, 2026
In sales terms, a whale is a prospect that is significantly larger than an organization’s average customer.

Whales are large and extremely difficult to close. Due to their immense size, they are highly sought-after.

A whale is typically identified at first by a whale hunter on the sales team, but often requires cross-discipline participation in order to close; this includes assistance from operations, engineering, creative, client success, and business development teams.
"Shit...the sales director chewed me out on the sales call this morning. He's totally pissed that I have nothing in my pipeline. I've been focused on this one whale for so long that I haven't had time to prospect for normal-sized deals."
Whale by FQ_GFY February 3, 2020
Word of the Day on September 21, 2026

Concrete cowboy 

A guy who thinks he's a country kinda guy, but in reality lives a comfortable city / suburban life.
Eugene: Look at that dude in the cowboy hat!
Todd: He's just a concrete cowboy.
Word of the Day on September 20, 2026
any hard liquor that is cheap & potent.. eg. relska, popov, potters, evan williams, kamchatka, fireball, rumpleminze, southern comfort, everclear
hey let's get a drink of that?

go ahead
*takes drink* ugh wtf is that?

everclear & bepsi
fucking hobo loko eeessshh
hobo loko by d i z k o 2 0 8 September 14, 2026
Word of the Day on September 19, 2026

God Shot 

A chance happening with profound meaning, an unexpected blessing, a "sign".
Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab said "All of a sudden what had been just another Hollywood proposal became for him an unexpected blessing, an opportunity for growth. In drug recovery language, that's called a "God shot."
God Shot by Imogen1564 February 25, 2011
Word of the Day on September 18, 2026
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