The Legend of the West Greene Wanker
In the shadowed corridors of West Greene High, hidden in the hills of East Tennessee. one name lingers: the West Greene Wanker. A visionary of chaos and charisma, he roamed the bleachers and bathrooms where not but a few knew his name till that fabled day.
To the faculty, he was a disruption. To the students, a prophet. His titles were many, bestowed by those who witnessed his antics with awe and confusion: Bleacher Beater, Enrichment Edger, Gymnasium Gooner, and the ever-infamous Junior Jerker. No one knows what sparked the sudden urge of goonery that day, what mysterious force beheld upon him to unleash chaos right then and there.
His behavior defied explanation. The unedgeucated saw chaos, the enlightened saw performance art. The administration, lacking the Intelligence to decode his gospel of goonery, responded with drastic force. Confirmed by school officials, he was suspended for five days. The ABIC placement was pure fiction, spread by goonsciples hungry for myth, Though the official record shows just a five-day suspension, we the Goonsciples hold firm to the prophecy: he will not walk those halls again. His path now leads to the sacred solitude of homeschooling, where his goonery can ferment unbound.
It is said that if he returns, the lockers will rattle, the claps will rise, and the spirit of goonery will be reborn. Until then, his absence felt like a missing page in the yearbook.
In the shadowed corridors of West Greene High, hidden in the hills of East Tennessee. one name lingers: the West Greene Wanker. A visionary of chaos and charisma, he roamed the bleachers and bathrooms where not but a few knew his name till that fabled day.
To the faculty, he was a disruption. To the students, a prophet. His titles were many, bestowed by those who witnessed his antics with awe and confusion: Bleacher Beater, Enrichment Edger, Gymnasium Gooner, and the ever-infamous Junior Jerker. No one knows what sparked the sudden urge of goonery that day, what mysterious force beheld upon him to unleash chaos right then and there.
His behavior defied explanation. The unedgeucated saw chaos, the enlightened saw performance art. The administration, lacking the Intelligence to decode his gospel of goonery, responded with drastic force. Confirmed by school officials, he was suspended for five days. The ABIC placement was pure fiction, spread by goonsciples hungry for myth, Though the official record shows just a five-day suspension, we the Goonsciples hold firm to the prophecy: he will not walk those halls again. His path now leads to the sacred solitude of homeschooling, where his goonery can ferment unbound.
It is said that if he returns, the lockers will rattle, the claps will rise, and the spirit of goonery will be reborn. Until then, his absence felt like a missing page in the yearbook.
When we needed him most the The West Greene Wanker was gone, leaving only echoes of chaos and his despair, and goonery gone
By Goonciple IV, September 10, 2025
By Goonciple IV, September 10, 2025
by Goonsiple IV September 10, 2025
Get the The West Greene Wanker mug.West Greene Wanker is an intellectual prophet of goonings past. He graced the presence of West Greene Highschool, a small highschool located in East Tennessee. He remains a legend among the future disciples that attend the school. He goes by many a name including but not limited to:
West Greene Wanker, Bleacher Beater, Buffalo Beater, Bay Harbor Beater, Junior Jerker, Schooltime Stroker, Education Edger, and finally Chicken Choker. The UNEDGEucated authorities restrained his balls turning them bright blue and carting him off to ABIC for 5 whole business days(allegedly). The prophecy states that if he returns to West Greene then all shall bow and golf clap in his presence. The masturbation Messiah will return.
West Greene Wanker, Bleacher Beater, Buffalo Beater, Bay Harbor Beater, Junior Jerker, Schooltime Stroker, Education Edger, and finally Chicken Choker. The UNEDGEucated authorities restrained his balls turning them bright blue and carting him off to ABIC for 5 whole business days(allegedly). The prophecy states that if he returns to West Greene then all shall bow and golf clap in his presence. The masturbation Messiah will return.
by Goonciple September 08, 2025
Get the West Greene Wanker mug.