The COOM
The extensive, life-consuming pursuit of masturbation and pornography. The main motivation of the coomer, hence his name. It is to the coomer what God is to a monk (not just a priest, a *monk*. That's the level of enamoration we're talking about).
If the coomer spends a day outside of his routine of, ahem, "COOM-worshipping rituals", he'll die. Dedication to the COOM isn't just daily fapping, it's fapping at work, thinking about your next fap when you're not fapping, and when you do get to fap, it's done with the help of the 9-monitor rig, or when you want to treat yourself, the immersive VR headset with haptic features. You aren't a coomer until your life is optimized for the COOM, resulting in skipped showers, piss bottles, cum rags, COOM knows what.
And best believe that he has every fetish known to man. He once coomed to the Easy Peasy method book. He once coomed to a semen retention guide. He once coomed to an anti-porn sermon. Once, he even climaxed to one of his 9-monitor sessions by being called a coomer.
An example of devotees of the COOM include r/GOONED users or Orion Grant Passmore (Giggly Goonclown, The COOM's favorite child).
If the coomer spends a day outside of his routine of, ahem, "COOM-worshipping rituals", he'll die. Dedication to the COOM isn't just daily fapping, it's fapping at work, thinking about your next fap when you're not fapping, and when you do get to fap, it's done with the help of the 9-monitor rig, or when you want to treat yourself, the immersive VR headset with haptic features. You aren't a coomer until your life is optimized for the COOM, resulting in skipped showers, piss bottles, cum rags, COOM knows what.
And best believe that he has every fetish known to man. He once coomed to the Easy Peasy method book. He once coomed to a semen retention guide. He once coomed to an anti-porn sermon. Once, he even climaxed to one of his 9-monitor sessions by being called a coomer.
An example of devotees of the COOM include r/GOONED users or Orion Grant Passmore (Giggly Goonclown, The COOM's favorite child).
Interviewer: Wow... strange. What's your motivation for all this?
Coomer: It's a life force inside me called The Coom. I do it all for The Coom, I breathe it, I live it. I love it. I grok it. I'd kill for it.
Coomer: It's a life force inside me called The Coom. I do it all for The Coom, I breathe it, I live it. I love it. I grok it. I'd kill for it.
The COOM by OBlockHitler January 29, 2026
