Related to ROFL, a ROFLASM means both to laugh so hard it comes close to orgasmic in its quality, and also literally abbreviates the phrase 'Roll on the floor laughing and shat myself'.
"That was so fucking funny, I just had a ROFLASM."
The ability girls and women have developed to hold several items at once in one hand. The skill has been developed due to the lack of pockets in women's clothing.
I thought she'd need multiple trips to carry her phone, keys, wallet, and Starbucks to her car since she needed the other hand to open the door, but she used her impressive girl grip to carry everything in one hand.