A fish, often tinned and doused in lashings of tomato sauce.
In human form: a pilchard is a no good, manipulating git who slimes into your life without warning, often in an underhand and devious manner. The pilchard, or pilch, (if you will) will take you for all you are worth, sucking you dry of emotion, money and soul. They have a distinctive look (like Eddie Windass off Coronation Street) but this may be overlooked due to their uncanny ability to fit in and mingle with the everyday folk and ultimately defecate on the lives of all they come into contact with.
In human form: a pilchard is a no good, manipulating git who slimes into your life without warning, often in an underhand and devious manner. The pilchard, or pilch, (if you will) will take you for all you are worth, sucking you dry of emotion, money and soul. They have a distinctive look (like Eddie Windass off Coronation Street) but this may be overlooked due to their uncanny ability to fit in and mingle with the everyday folk and ultimately defecate on the lives of all they come into contact with.
That Phil is such a pilchard, he lived off me for a year and even got his mum to re-mortgage her house so he could spend it on Richmond Superkings and Joop. Next time I see him I'm going to marinate him in tomato sauce!
by loufoo April 10, 2011
Idiot, fool, incompetent. A general all-purpose name to call people. Good when you are losing an argument, it can even combat mother-calling.
by hypnoticme February 19, 2005
A dumbass with redeeming qualities.
A pilchard is actually a fish: Any of various small marine fishes related to the herrings, especially a commercially important edible species, Sardina pilchardus, of European waters.
The distinction here is that a pilchard is quite a stupid, inconsequential fish, but it is edible, so it has redeeming qualities.
A pilchard is actually a fish: Any of various small marine fishes related to the herrings, especially a commercially important edible species, Sardina pilchardus, of European waters.
The distinction here is that a pilchard is quite a stupid, inconsequential fish, but it is edible, so it has redeeming qualities.
by The Count of GQ January 16, 2008
A word invented by Sarah Collins, when she grew tired of calling idiotic people 'Pillocks' and realised that Pilchard had the same effect.
by Julie Andrews February 20, 2005
by Kristo-Ham December 23, 2014
The horrific and most problematic shit from the subcontinent that there is, usually it causes any unfortunate victims to get traumatic brain trauma and subsequently go into a coma. Can usually be found in corner shops from men called Durgesh.
"Hello Ankeet, I have just done the fiddly diddly Nepalese Pilchard Shite"
"Oololololol, I think I am doing the get the brain trauma Durgesh, you stinky boi boi"
"Oololololol, I think I am doing the get the brain trauma Durgesh, you stinky boi boi"
by StinkyBoy556 March 20, 2019
When a Raccoon (usually of the Portuguese variant) breaks in to your home and defecates on the kitchen floor. Usually, having been attracted by the smell of cheese and ham crackers.
Steve: “Oh for fuck’s sake Tom, have you had a shit on the kitchen floor?”
Tom: “it wasn’t me, it must have been another tinned Pilchard incident”
Tom: “it wasn’t me, it must have been another tinned Pilchard incident”
by Stemol August 31, 2023