Perf... like you 

Basically anyone with the name Jeff, and especially those with the last name Carl, fall into this category. When you hear this phrase you can expect the person being referenced to have at least a 10 inch penis, and 16 pack abs. They will look at you once with their piercing blue eyes and you will immediately drop dead of a heart attack from an overflow of adrenaline. But it’s worth dying in this way because your body also will crystallize into diamonds so your family will be set for life.

Bro 1: Perf... like you
Bro 2: Thanks bro.
Bro 1: nah dude I wasn’t talking to you, I was just announcing the arrival of Jeff.
Bro 2: oh holy fuck. There he is. Wow. What a magnificent specimen.
Bro 1: yeah be sure not to look him directly in the eye, unless you’re trying to die.

Bro 2: well it’d be a worth death.

Bro 1: yeah you’re right. My fault. I’m an idiot and I will now catch his gaze.

Perf... like you by Dobe Johnt June 25, 2020