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molesting the monkey 

Person 1: I was molesting the monkey while you were
sleeping.

Person: You are one sick fuck.

Molesting a turd 

Arousal or sexual pleasure derived from intentionally "Prairie Dogging" ones turd, making it slide in and out of the rectum.
"What took you so long in the bathroom?"

"Sorry, I was molesting a turd for a bit and had to wait for my erection to go away."

".... "

^ This is a good response if you don't want people to ask why you took long in the bathroom ever again
Molesting a turd by Jwhitt March 21, 2010

molesting myself 

The act of subjecting yourself to unwanted or improper sexual advances or activity, from yourself.

What masturbators do, even though everybody knows masturbation is a perverted sin that will eventually lead to blindness, really hairy hands and complete insanity. :-P
I spent all last night molesting myself. Damn, my dick is sore!
molesting myself by tonyfamous October 8, 2010

molesting a snake 

Bob: I saw you molesting a snake Jill.
Jill: shut the fuck up that was my anorexic baby who still had the cord attached.
Bob: oh..........

molesting your inner child

the act of masturbating to images that are animated in nature including cartoon characters, video game characters, action figures, dolls, and stuffed animals.
I feel kind of dirty. I watched "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" this afternoon and had to retire to the bathroom after the Jessica Rabbit scene to molest my inner child. <molesting your inner child>

molesting jellyfish 

a sexy jellyfish that is blue ad gets laid every night with your mummy
omg mum are you riding that molesting jellyfish?!?!
molesting jellyfish by jelly rapest November 26, 2016