meth critters 

tiny bugs that a person on meth only sees. imagined bugs that are not really there (once they hit the pipe, "meth critters" are everywhere)

dude #1: "look bro, you are gonna have to vacate the premises until i get rid of them bugs. this Raid better work its magic"

dude #2: "this is some top of the line bug spray but i dont think it'll work on them meth critters"

meth critters by Gnutty Solano July 7, 2019

Meth Critters 

Also known as Crank Critters Typical to be found on anything just slightly out of your eyes focal point either moving quickly in the peripheral field of vision and then freezing just as soon as you turn to acknowledge its presence. Shapeshifters from another dimension known to turn into random pieces of rubbish upon closer inspection. Only found to be present entering day 4 and beyond of any typical crystal meth fueled bender regardless of ones predilection to psychosomatic hallucinations when sober. Aka the beginning of the end for the inevitably insane or anyone frequenting the outer rim of the frayed edges of sanity.

“You boys ever seen a meth critter before? What do you mean wtf am I smokin, the same shit as you dumbass you just hit on that big shit a few years and you’ll see for yourselves them lil shits are real!!! and if you quit yer jibber jabber in an giggles I’ll tell you weenus tuggin amateur 12 hour marathon masterbatin mommas boys exactly what meth critters are: because I stared into the soul of one eye to eye in the winter of El Niño 1997. So there I was waiting for my guy on the canal bank right beyond the edge of juvenile hall just smokin a cigarette minding my own on the porch of a buddies slut moms house early on a Thursday... no satur...or was it Friday? no that was lasterday and my buddy was still Down in Fresno at his dads for the week so yeah it must’ve been Monday already again...eh fuck it look the point is I heard that Meth Critter long before I saw him but then again there it was creeping from shadow to shadow making its way down the alley. Then just as we made eye contact & right then before my unblinking eyes bam! that meth critter turned into a fn Carl’s Jr. hamburger wrapper & then just as swiftly it was now a seagull that flew up an away into a swirling mist...” -wise words spoken by a toothless old tweaker with the confidence of a true believer as a PSA or cautionary tale to wide eyed and drug addled teenagers (aka: anytown usa’s neighborhood kids known to hang @ any Rick’s place in the trailer park)

Meth Critters by Big D!ck Daddy July 19, 2019