Mac Zealot 

The most annoying person at your party; a succubus or incubus. These pervasive hipsters enjoy a luxuriant lifestyle in academia and urban environments where Mac zealots are hesitantly tolerated at great expense to the government or their parents. Grudgingly, this person runs Microsoft to make the tool functional, but still hopes the silver or white finish and bubble sounds can increase the production of pheromones. Social experiment studies have shown that subjects believe more pheromones exist in the presence of the Mac devices; although chemical studies have a proven a lack of desirability and a decrease in mojo levels. It is this inversely proportional trend of narcissism and actual desirability that most researchers conclude is a source of their quietly abrasive, soul sucking personalities. The group was a splinter group from the Satan worshiping sexually deviant Freebsd zealots. Mac zealots pay thousands of dollars to the mothership for new biofeedback devices and self help courses over ten to twenty years before the founders of the order reveal it is actually a satanic cult with roots in the biblical Garden of Eden. Their marriage ritual is often performed in rockabilly, retro, metro, or swing themes, but many observers report it is actually often quite boring and lubricated with bottom shelf liquor.

"That mac zealot in the turtleneck has followed me around all night. I think he is in rut."

Mac Zealot by pierre_abelard October 4, 2009