3 definitions by pierre_abelard
A member of the order of Ubuntu, the most devout of the celibate tribes. Followers often tend to live in small packs, often dominated by a matriarch, who by custom, lives in the upper floor of the domicile for twenty to thirty years; although, studies have proven cases often have lifetime arrangements. Members of this order are rarely seen during in the daylight while they practice a self-mutilating practice, performed mostly with thumbs and the use of a biofeedback video device. The most commonly witnessed activity by outsiders, a routine 2 a.m. trip to the corner-shop is known as “nocturnal emission” within the tome of listed rituals. The order preaches it was actually a third lineage of beings that evolved separately from Homo sapiens and the line of apes and other primates. Evidence is scarce, but many scientists accept the possibility upon close examination of the culture.
by pierre_abelard October 4, 2009
A person who has a life beyond computers and is not confined by a religious addiction to unusable hippie freeware with little functional use or an overpriced trendy combination of hardware that was top of the line two years ago. The typical Microsoft zealot sees the computer as a means to an end, a business tool and home appliance, and not a white false idol perched in a prominent part of your “living” room that you pray impresses women. It generally won’t. The typical Microsoft zealot has tried this approach and failed miserably and has moved on to conventions on Microsoft technology where they hope to score with a barista working in the lobby. She is the only woman in the room, or at least the only obvious person of the female gender. Microsoft zealots tend to understand what TCO, ROI, economy of scale, and integration mean unlike their fanatical counterparts on the other side of the virtual fence. Microsoft zealots drive nice cars but have never been laid in them, nor is it likely. They are, however, eternally hopeful.
“Hey, I’m kind of a Microsoft zealot, do you want to ditch this Powerpoint presentation and head to the lingerie convention a block down at Harrah’s? I have the route mapped out on my iPhone.”
by pierre_abelard October 3, 2009
The most annoying person at your party; a succubus or incubus. These pervasive hipsters enjoy a luxuriant lifestyle in academia and urban environments where Mac zealots are hesitantly tolerated at great expense to the government or their parents. Grudgingly, this person runs Microsoft to make the tool functional, but still hopes the silver or white finish and bubble sounds can increase the production of pheromones. Social experiment studies have shown that subjects believe more pheromones exist in the presence of the Mac devices; although chemical studies have a proven a lack of desirability and a decrease in mojo levels. It is this inversely proportional trend of narcissism and actual desirability that most researchers conclude is a source of their quietly abrasive, soul sucking personalities. The group was a splinter group from the Satan worshiping sexually deviant Freebsd zealots. Mac zealots pay thousands of dollars to the mothership for new biofeedback devices and self help courses over ten to twenty years before the founders of the order reveal it is actually a satanic cult with roots in the biblical Garden of Eden. Their marriage ritual is often performed in rockabilly, retro, metro, or swing themes, but many observers report it is actually often quite boring and lubricated with bottom shelf liquor.
by pierre_abelard October 4, 2009