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I'm not as think as you drunk I am. 

A spoof, often on a t-shirt, of someone who is so drunk that they begin to confuse words in a sentence with other words, and switch their places, often after an all night party.
"Joe, you can't drive home, you're wasted."
"Yeah, I'll drive you man."
"Nah, guys, don't worry about it. I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

i swear to drunk i'm not god

Usually said by drunks.
They think they're actually saying:
"I swear to god I'm not drunk."

Unforunately, they aren't.
Guy : I swear to drunk I'm not god!
Police officer: Okay sir, get out of the car.