A hillmite is a small, stupid, worthless parasite. They look human(ish) but can be identified by the following characteristics:
- creepy eyes
- unprofessionalism
- chewing addiction
- lack of intelligence
- lack of height
- ugliness
If you come into contact with one, call for the vamfairy immediately for capture and extermination.
- creepy eyes
- unprofessionalism
- chewing addiction
- lack of intelligence
- lack of height
- ugliness
If you come into contact with one, call for the vamfairy immediately for capture and extermination.
by Yan Amish April 16, 2022
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by Dash Chain April 2, 2008
Get the hillliterate mug.Non-residents of DC who come for a summer internship and think (quite incorrectly) that they are plugged into the hotbed of the political scene.
They love to talk politics with an dismissive and authoritative tone - as if they are some powerplayer, just because their congressman talked to them (or just groped them in a supply closet). They often refer to their congressman to other people by his/her first name (like they're best friends)
In actuality, these corn-fed midwestern kiddies lick envelopes and collate mass mailings for less than minimum wage, but they strut around Capitol Hill in hand-me-down "church clothes" like they're a Kennedy.
It's truly painful when they "discover" a neighborhood or bar/club and try to recommend it to a local as if it didn't exist until that over-glorified tourist lays eyes on it.
A Hillite could be considered closely related to the bridge and tunnel crowd in NYC
They love to talk politics with an dismissive and authoritative tone - as if they are some powerplayer, just because their congressman talked to them (or just groped them in a supply closet). They often refer to their congressman to other people by his/her first name (like they're best friends)
In actuality, these corn-fed midwestern kiddies lick envelopes and collate mass mailings for less than minimum wage, but they strut around Capitol Hill in hand-me-down "church clothes" like they're a Kennedy.
It's truly painful when they "discover" a neighborhood or bar/club and try to recommend it to a local as if it didn't exist until that over-glorified tourist lays eyes on it.
A Hillite could be considered closely related to the bridge and tunnel crowd in NYC
"Can you believe that this Hillite tried tell me about this awesome bar on 14th St called the 'Black Cat'. I had to stop them when they tried to give me directions. They also tried to tell about this band named 'Fugazi"
by the Commander Steve January 21, 2010
Get the Hillite mug.Someone who thinks that they’re super funny and hilarious but really don’t even know what the definition of funny is.
by FNO WAPWAP April 14, 2022
Get the Hilliterate mug.Hillite:
A self-styled “rational Orthodox intellectual,” often characterized by his allergy to irony, his obsession with appearing respectable to secular academia, and his acute discomfort with anything that smacks of zeal, masculinity, or memes. The Hillite’s faith is primarily mediated through Twitter threads, coffeehouse discussions, and long-winded Substack essays defending “the spirit of nuance.” He or she (but usually he—they prefer it that way) sees himself as a corrective to the "Ortho-bros"—those crude populists who actually believe in miracles, hierarchy, and demons.
The Hillite’s theology is more indebted to Wikipedia, Protestant seminary textbooks, and postmodern philosophy than to the Church Fathers, though he will quote Maximus the Confessor in the same way a Redditor quotes Nietzsche—selectively, and usually without comprehension. A Hillite is most comfortable critiquing “fundamentalism” in Orthodoxy, which usually just means anyone who takes Orthodoxy seriously.
Our sources within the Dyerite camp report that Hillites are easily triggered by words like “tradition,” “asceticism,” or “spiritual warfare,” preferring to discuss Orthodoxy as a vague aesthetic ideal rather than a rule of life. In conversation, Hillites will oscillate between academic detachment and moral superiority, especially when describing their internet rivals, whom they accuse of being “cultish,” “anti-intellectual,”.
A self-styled “rational Orthodox intellectual,” often characterized by his allergy to irony, his obsession with appearing respectable to secular academia, and his acute discomfort with anything that smacks of zeal, masculinity, or memes. The Hillite’s faith is primarily mediated through Twitter threads, coffeehouse discussions, and long-winded Substack essays defending “the spirit of nuance.” He or she (but usually he—they prefer it that way) sees himself as a corrective to the "Ortho-bros"—those crude populists who actually believe in miracles, hierarchy, and demons.
The Hillite’s theology is more indebted to Wikipedia, Protestant seminary textbooks, and postmodern philosophy than to the Church Fathers, though he will quote Maximus the Confessor in the same way a Redditor quotes Nietzsche—selectively, and usually without comprehension. A Hillite is most comfortable critiquing “fundamentalism” in Orthodoxy, which usually just means anyone who takes Orthodoxy seriously.
Our sources within the Dyerite camp report that Hillites are easily triggered by words like “tradition,” “asceticism,” or “spiritual warfare,” preferring to discuss Orthodoxy as a vague aesthetic ideal rather than a rule of life. In conversation, Hillites will oscillate between academic detachment and moral superiority, especially when describing their internet rivals, whom they accuse of being “cultish,” “anti-intellectual,”.
Example usage:
“It was only after Nathan wrote his fifth essay about the ‘authoritarian undertones of hesychasm,’ started quoting Foucault to explain the Desert Fathers, and used the phrase ‘problematic metaphysics’ unironically that we realized—he’s a Hillite.”
“It was only after Nathan wrote his fifth essay about the ‘authoritarian undertones of hesychasm,’ started quoting Foucault to explain the Desert Fathers, and used the phrase ‘problematic metaphysics’ unironically that we realized—he’s a Hillite.”
by Perry cockburn October 8, 2025
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