Fountain of Archimedes
A performance involving the concurrent consumption of beer, and public urination. The performer typically executes this by synchronizing the production of urine with the initiation of a "waterfall" stylistic-drinking manoeuvre, and shall attempt to demonstrate technical artistry by actively controlling the volumetric beer flow-rate in precise response to changes sensed in the urine stream pressure-drop.
Sufficiently skillful execution results in a suspension of disbelief for all observers of the intended suggestion, viz., that the beer is indeed flowing directly between the performer's esophagus and distal urinary meatus, mysteriously circumventing the natural physiological processes which ordinarily conduct such fluid transport operations over a considerably longer time frame.
Sufficiently skillful execution results in a suspension of disbelief for all observers of the intended suggestion, viz., that the beer is indeed flowing directly between the performer's esophagus and distal urinary meatus, mysteriously circumventing the natural physiological processes which ordinarily conduct such fluid transport operations over a considerably longer time frame.
Observer 1: (Hands a can of beer to the performer)
Performer: (Unseals the can, assumes a customary urination stance and takes out his penis)
Observer 1: "Yea, though the very notion of it be most incredulous, verily I am compelled to inquire: Do you truly mean to void your water, unduly in my presence, bro?"
Observer 2: "I beg to assure you bro, with the entirety of my conviction, that the scene which unfolds before us is not one of capricious folly! But lo, what sport! Indeed, what exquisite fortune! For bro means to gift the lot of us with the hallowed spectacle of a Fountain of Archimedes!"
Performer: (Begins simultaneously pissing and pouring beer from the can into his mouth)
Observer 1: "Good God, bro! But what fantastic machinations must bro be cloistering in his very form, that might afford him the commission of such a prodigious feat? I find myself overcome by titillation, bro, inundating my senses and, yea, my very wit to such a degree that surely I shall have to swoon down upon the earth this very instant if I am to retain any semblance of dignity! And shall I dare to regale my bros in absentia with such unconscionable witness, on pain of being rightly diminished in credibility to that of some crazed, braying beast, its brains having been riven with holes from foraging upon a most devilish specimen of the noxious weeds - ...."
(Everyone else has left)
Performer: (Unseals the can, assumes a customary urination stance and takes out his penis)
Observer 1: "Yea, though the very notion of it be most incredulous, verily I am compelled to inquire: Do you truly mean to void your water, unduly in my presence, bro?"
Observer 2: "I beg to assure you bro, with the entirety of my conviction, that the scene which unfolds before us is not one of capricious folly! But lo, what sport! Indeed, what exquisite fortune! For bro means to gift the lot of us with the hallowed spectacle of a Fountain of Archimedes!"
Performer: (Begins simultaneously pissing and pouring beer from the can into his mouth)
Observer 1: "Good God, bro! But what fantastic machinations must bro be cloistering in his very form, that might afford him the commission of such a prodigious feat? I find myself overcome by titillation, bro, inundating my senses and, yea, my very wit to such a degree that surely I shall have to swoon down upon the earth this very instant if I am to retain any semblance of dignity! And shall I dare to regale my bros in absentia with such unconscionable witness, on pain of being rightly diminished in credibility to that of some crazed, braying beast, its brains having been riven with holes from foraging upon a most devilish specimen of the noxious weeds - ...."
(Everyone else has left)
Fountain of Archimedes by spider kidsz April 24, 2025
