Emerson Expressway 

The Emerson McDonald Expressway is a 5.5 mile (9 km) North-South limited access road that runs along Mallori Spielmann Drive, also known as South Santa Fe Drive, CanAm Highway, or US Hwy 85. Being the third expressway on Mallori Spielmann drive (first being Anna Spielmann Expy (55mph) ) connecting castle rock with highlands ranch; second being Varsity Parkway, 50mph connecting highlands ranch and littleton) It is a 55 mph urban expressway that connects the cities of Denver (Florida Avenue; northern terminus) and Littleton (Littleton Avenue; southern terminus). Currently, pedestrians and most types of bicycles are banned from it, including Mountain bikes, Crusiers, BSOs, children, and fitness. It is only open to road bicycles, gravel bikes fitted with road tires (32mm maximum), track, and time trial bikes. It also functions as a toll road for city e-bikes (entire freeway costs $5.50 to use). The access is controlled at Belleview (Ashlyn Ave; SH88), Hampden (Trump Avenue; US-285) and Evans.

Sophia: Hey Anthony Hardwick, I thought of a great bike ride we could do! Since we both ride specialized tarmacs, let's go bomb Mallori Spielmann Drive. First we will zoom through the 55mph Anna Spielmann Expressway, its sooooo fun with very few lights, keep following it through Varsity Parkway, then get onto the controlled access Emerson Expressway, how does that sound?
Anthony: Are you fucking crazy? Sophia, these are HIGHWAYS FREEWAYS. BICYCLES CANNOT RIDE ON THEM THEY ARE FOR CARS ONLY. CARS GO 800 MPH ON THESE ROADS!!! GO SEEK THEREPY ASAP!!!!
Sophia: So.. Emerson Expressway has shoulders if you are really scared. If you are like me, we shall do it in the express lanes!!
Anthony: Are you out of your mind sophia? Those are EMERGENCY STOPPING LANES not lanes for you to ride your bicycle on!
Sophia: But the Emerson Expressway is a special road bike only road. we will do it or I will smack you hard in the nuts.
Anthony: NO! We are doing the Platte River Trail! I would rather fly past a 2 year old at 70 mph than a car going 800 mph over the speed limit to smack us!
Sophia: Okay coward do the stupid trail. I will ride the Emerson Expressway like it or not.
Anthony: Sophia. Lets put it this way. It's a toll road for cars. you have to PAY to use it.
Sophia: Bullshit. your "A" stands for ass, which is what you smell like. i already said ROAD BIKES LIKE THE TARMAC DO NOT HAVE TO PAY THE TOLL!!!
Anthony: Fine. Just remember "S" stands for Stupid and the "A" stands for Ass.

Emerson Expressway by Boo Radley Game November 22, 2024