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Council Clarinet

Usually a neon-colored, lithium-powered pacifier for the economically or socially challenged. It is a disposable vape (usually Blue Razz Lemonade or Watermelon Ice) permanently glued to the hand of a tracksuit-clad youth, dole pole dosser or a single mum with Jaden, Kayden and Lilly Mae in tow.

Named because of the vertical, clarinet-like appearance, and its ubiquity in areas where the local currency is lottery tickets and regret. The "music" played on this instrument is usually the sound of restricted airflow followed by a cloud of sickly-sweet chemical fog that smells like a fruit salad explosion in a chemical plant.
"Walked past the bus stop and got absolutely blinded by a cloud of 'Cotton Candy Ice'. There was a gaggle of year 8s in North Face puffers, all aggressively playing the council clarinet."
by Classic Ghostie December 8, 2025
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