Chinese Surprise 

Occurs when a man places a firecracker inside a woman's vagina. The wick is then lit and a muffled pop is heard. The anus is also an acceptable position for the explosion to occur.

I Chinese Surprised my girlfriend in her sleep... still at the ER.

Chinese Surprise by Poppetkeeper February 17, 2010

Chinese Log Smash Surprise 

When one finally drops a quality hot and steamy log that hangs from ass to toilet water after extreme constipation and does not realize that it has not detached from the anal cavity, causing him/her to proceed with the wiping process, and violently "smash" through the log. It is called a "surprise" because the victim usually responds with "HOLY SHIT!" or "MY BUNG HOLE!" or "DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF!"

1. "I was walking past the bathroom while my brother was taking a shit and I heard the beginning poot but did not here the ending splash that usually follows. I realized what was happening and immediately yelled 'DICK, WAIT!....but it was too late..he had experienced his first Chinese Log Smash Surprise."

2. "After 3 weeks of being constipated I had taken my glory dump, not knowing that the magnificent log had not detached. As I went to wipe (from front to back) I had my 5th Chinese Log Smash Surprise this month!"

3. "After his Chinese Log Smash Surprise, Jim's hand never recovered..."

Chinese Log Smash Surprise by Dr. Wack Meehoff October 14, 2011