Calvin’s Law

A standing workplace rule that states: Upon completion of your third bowel movement on the same work day, you are immediately excused from work for the remainder of the day. You clearly have larger problems than work to deal with. Go home, get your shit handled and return to work in the morning.

Named after the creator of the law, Calvin Johnson.

"That's my third shit today! Calvin’s Law is now in effect. I'll see you guys in the morning... I'm going home."

Calvin’s Law by TinMonkey August 5, 2014

Calvin’s Law

Coined by League of Legends streamer Elite500 (Calvin), it states

> Giving a bad player kills will not make him better.

That is, the better player will win in all likelihood, regardless of leads gained early game. One should take comfort in his skill above his opponent rather than frustration with circumstances caused by jungler dynamics or other arbitraries, fundamentally out of his control.

Calvin’s Law is ultimately a generalization of common economic knowledge, that lump-sum cash transfers are typically the least effective type of aid which can be given (most notably, the cash transfer programs undertaken by numerous US NGOs in developing areas of Africa). Research by the Overseas Development Institute finds that the risk of corruption, lack of longer-term investment opportunities, and lack of infrastructure and training often render lump-sum cash transfers as the worst alternative among such options as direct training/building/humanitarian aid or regular smaller cash transfers.

Put another way, Calvin’s Law is commentary on the increasingly nepotic and privileged social dynamics of modern society, and a statement of hope despite such conditions. That, regardless of one’s birth and upbringing, as long as one possesses the skill necessary, deserved success will come, in due time.

This isn’t a death, it’s my Calvin’s Law angle!

Calvin’s Law by Gilgameshx0 February 21, 2023