DOCTOR: Sir, your physical exam is
fine, but your COVID test is positive, meaning you are an asymptomatic COVID carrier. Do you wear a
mask?
ME: Asswhaaahh, bruh? Naw, I feel good! How a mask gonna help? My
ass ain’
t infected!
DOCTOR: I wouldn’t recommend wearing it there. You strike me as a pleasant, but obnoxiously stubborn
man. As an
ASS-CO (Asymptomatic COVID) carrier, you’ll need to quarantine yourself for two weeks and wear a mask more consistently, to prevent the airborne spread of COVID. Also take these pills.
ME: Quarra-what? Ass Mask whaaa? Masks kill people! Nobody wore a mask and lived, EVER! Masks are just a fuckin conspiracy from the MMI (mask manufacturing illuminati). …wut Pills?
DOCTOR: Magic Brain Pills (MBPs) that will temporarily make you smart enough to wear the
ASS-CO mask over your mouth AND nose. As we cheerfully say in healthcare, “
Don’t be a dumb
cunt who can’t wear a mask correctly!”
