The New York Times has a serious bedbug infestation.

ex. (talking to a friend on fbook chat)

person 1: hey man whats going on tonight
person 2: i gotta go to the bathroom il poopt you

or

person 1: whatsup man what are you doing?
person 2: poopting you

And as she told patrick, "Good night, sleep tight, dont let the bed bugs bite", he wasn't able to sleep that night.

Rachel would not leave Alex alone after they had sex, even though he tried to make it clear to her he was not attracted. He began to think of her as a bedbug.

"I would rather gargle buckshot than have bedbugs."
"Bedbugs are to furniture what crackheads are to ghettos."
"Bedbugs are the reason we had to move and get rid of our couches."
"Bedbugs are a biological weapon."
"Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

The only difference between bedbugs and the black plague is that the plague kills you with fevers and sores, while bedbugs make you itch to death.

(said before bed)
"Don't let the bedbugs bite!"