Albanian Water Park

Any public restroom in which the floor is continuously covered in a questionable slurry of liquids. The toilet is always running yet does not flush properly. In the rare occasion that toilet paper is present, it is sopping wet, stuck together, and holds the consistency of Tres Leches cake. The sink does not work, but a “Lazy River” drips a tinted liquid from the base of its hardware creating a slimy dark stain down its basin. Soap does not exist.

The humid conditions within Albanian Water Parks are an actual MicroClimate that is similar to that of rain forests found throughout the world, maintaining a mean temperature of 92 degrees Fahrenheit.

Despite unsanitary conditions, Albanian Water Parks are frequented by all walks of life. Often the act of drunken or drug fueled coitus is performed within the confines of these spaces, as well as unlawful monetary transactions.

In an effort to create a Patho-Map of such public spaces NYU Microbiologist collected DNA samples from surfaces and liquids found within several Albanian Water Parks in Brooklyn, NY.

Top results from their findings are as follows:
*Urine/Feces of various mammals not limited to human
*Mozzarella Cheese spores
*Bacterial Vaginosis
*Semen
*Gyro Grease

*Chlamydia

*Throbbing Ectoplasm

Further research has halted due to unsafe and unsanitary conditions resulting in the contraction of various social diseases by researchers.

Cindy told me she got an STI from the toilet seat at the Albanian Water Park at McCarren Park. I actually believe her.

Albanian Water Park by HOSSBROOKLYN June 7, 2026