Learned Helplessness

A disease for which the main symptom is never learning how to do simple tasks for yourself. Always asking others to do things for you--especially in the workplace. A carrier of the disease is usually fully dependent on coworkers and the employees below them.

"Hey Susie, I'm going to need you to put postage on this for me. I just never learned how to use the postage machine...I have learned helplessness"

"I've had learned helplessness ever since I got promoted to CEO. Can you copy this double-sided for me? I just can't bring myself to figure it out."

Learned Helplessness by Angry Rant June 9, 2009

hangover helper 

The cure to the common hangover, and a monster of a breakfast sandwich. Comprised of bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, and cheese heeped onto an enormous hard roll. Also a good source of the vitamin cholesterol.

Got a hangover? Well head on down to your local deli and ask for new Hangover Helper and watch your headache vanish. (Side effects include, but are not limited to: upset stomache, dhiarria, gutteral bulge, and heart attacks)

hangover helper by captain phoenix May 10, 2006

Santa's little helper 

cocaine; Santa is certainly familiar with snow if he can run around to all those houses in one night.

I couldn't feel my face after all that Santa's little helper. I could touch it, but couldn't feel it.

Santa's little helper by jburke524 September 19, 2011

helpdesk

A place where teams of people gloss over the glaring inadequacies (mis-spelt) of the company they work for and get paid for it.

I wish to sell my bottom! - what better place than on the helpdesk. Fuck my corporate ass.

helpdesk by dave mason December 17, 2003

helpless 

The way you feel when you meet Alexander Hamilton. Especially for Elizabeth Schuyler.

Eliza: Boy you got me helpless. Look into your eyes and the sky's the limit I'm helpless. (...) You walked in and my heart went boom. (...) Grab my sister and whisper "Yo this one's mine."

helpless by Hamilton fan March 15, 2017

Texas Helper 

A lightweight, ornamental chain linking a Prince Albert to a perineum (or "taint") piercing. Texas Helpers can provide the support and guidance needed when making use of the areas surrounding these types of piercing.

I can't count how many times my Texas Helper has helped me navigate out of a sticky situation.

Texas Helper by trön June 13, 2017

hamburger helper 

A sexual position. It begins with one man sitting on a toilet taking a shit. Another man sits on his lap and is penetrated. The man taking the shit also jerks off the guy on his lap. It is important for the hamburger helper to end when the shit is finished. Using a white glove to jerk the guy off is a bonus.

Dude, light a match. It smells like hamburger helper in here.

hamburger helper by |< |3 July 16, 2006