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dumb as a stick 

See dumb as a rock
dumb as a stick by Pete February 11, 2004

hard as a snarbuckle 

Newfoundland slang given to something edible that is really difficult to chew.
Aunt Mary baked some bisquits. I did not have the heart to tell her they were as hard as a snarbuckle.

slippery as goose shit 

The icy driveway was slippery as goose shit.
slippery as goose shit by H-2-the-Dub September 27, 2008

boring as bat shit 

A common phrase that is deeply rooted in the Australian vernacular and frequently used to convey your disappointment in a person or a thing.
"Your performance was as boring as bat shit," said Kyle Sandilands, a past judge from Australian Idol.
boring as bat shit by Norman Harvey September 7, 2016

Do as I say, not as I do 

A teacher or superior directing a student or subordinate not to follow a bad example they give, but to stick to the rules. Often used to imply hypocrisy, but could also have legitimate reasons.
Do as I say, not as I do, the congregation murmured, when the pastor preached decency after half the village had observed him getting overly friendly with the innkeeper's wife.

Do as I say, not as I do, said the old sailor to the boy, letting go with both hands of the yardarm, instructing the younger to always hold fast.

About as much use as a surfboard with handlebars 

An object or person who is completely and utterly worthless
- My bloody computer crashed again last night and I couldn't send those important emails

- Yeah, sounds like that thing is about as much use as a surfboard with handlebars