Judge: You stand accused of willful destruction of private property, public indecency, reckless endangerment, and assault for committing the act of defecating in, on, and around the gas
tank of one Principal Gumblefudger, fully naked and covered in raspberry vinaigrette dressing and yelling "Fuck the
British! Long live the Confederacy!", as the car was in motion and being driven by the principal's daughter, all the while in full view of the school's occupants as they assembled in the parking lot for the annual Casimir Pulaski
day parade! Jesus
Brother-Sucking Christ, do you have anything to say for yourself? How could you possibly plead to fully acknowledge the extent of your public malice?
Defendant:
Sorry, I guess. Drunk rules.
Judge: Oh, my bad. Sorry dude, I didn'
t realize. Well shit. You wanna
get a drink or something?
Defendant: Got any raspberry vinaigrette dressing?
Judge: Hells ya.
Defendant: Hells ya.
