Internet Condom

A protective software that blocks infections from porn websites and files.

John: Dude! I think I have herpes!

Doug: That sucks man! Who did you get it from?

John: Some guy named Jason. He emailed me some porn and I opened a file called herpes.exe.

Doug: You need an internet condom man! You can't just enter an infected file like that. I usually wear 2 internet condoms, AVG and Norton.

by rogerthewhale January 21, 2012

Pocket Condom

A condom that has been in your pocket for a very long time. Very compressed and looks like you've sat on it for 20 days. Only used in emergency's.

"I almost had to use that nasty pocket condom, but I found a black gas station condom thank god."

by Dierks Olgensen May 3, 2010

Diet Coke Condom

When one takes a condom, fills it with diet coke and freezes it. The Diet Coke Condom can be used as a weapon for self-defense or as a dildo, it has other uses too.

The Diet Coke Condom was invented by popular manga bishonen schoolboy Rodrick Heffley as a weapon against his younger brother Manny-kun.

Rodrick has filled a condom with Diet Coke, froze it, and bashed Manny over the head with it. Manny has fucking died. The Diet Coke Condom is a deadly weapon.

by DietCokeCondom6969696 April 30, 2021

as much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory

Useless at best, causing severe damage at worst. Similar to saying, "As much use as a bull in a china shop."

Guy 1: Damn it... My sister ruined my school project again.

Guy 2: Wow. She's as much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory.

by Ur waifu June 7, 2016

Condombrella

A clear umbrella, the likes of which makes the wielder look like they are hiding in a condom from precipitation. The more people utilizing the awkwardly domed and transparent umbrella, the more ridiculous the scene becomes.

Person 1: It's raining awful hard, why not use my umbrella? There's room for two.
Person 2: I will not add more seed to the contents of your condombrella; I'd rather chance the rain.

by Rehgan Otes November 3, 2009

mesh condom

A completely unreliable and useless individual.

Eric was supposed to be here an hour ago to help us move!

Yeah, well I don't know why you're surprised, he's as reliable as a mesh condom

by jingerotomy June 17, 2008

Ear Condom

To say that one wears an "ear condom" is to imply that one is critical of what others are saying, to the point where they block it all out. Made popular by the Lady Gaga song "Judas".

People kept telling me I could never make it as a professional donkey model, but I put on my ear condoms and tried it anyway!

by bush0023 June 7, 2011