Silent lick

It’s like a lick but silent. Instead of stealing, say, the televisions and computers out of someone’s house or, say, the money and dry cleaning out of someone’s car, you just steal a few rolls of paper towels, maybe some spoons, some pens and sticky notes, and a battery out of the back of their garage clickers. This way no one will likely ever know that you have robbed them. You get the fruits of your labor, and you also get the mental security that comes from knowing that it is likely that no one is looking for you. Additionally, it will likely provide you the satisfaction of having outwitted those you have robbed and the entire system put in place to deter and punish robbers, which is surely a testament to your own mental superiority.

Significant other: Where were you last night? You came home so late.
: I hit a lick.
S/o: Oh, no, honey! What if they find you? What will become of the kids and me?
: Don’t worry. It was a silent lick. I just took a stack of paper plates and a gallon of milk for us.
S/o: Oh…

by jordan23forever July 20, 2019

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