Jehovah's Witnesses are a strict form of Christianity, almost so strict that, like Mormonism, many people do not consider them Christians. They believe:
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
Jehovah's Witness, on the whole, are good people, and often misjudged. They were well known in WW2 for rescuing many Jews from Concentration Camps, and being one of the few groups who initially took a stand against Hitler.
by JZ June 16, 2004
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Ive been brought up as a Jehovahs witness my entire life and in that time I have come to treasure their teachings and the way in which they follow the bible and unitedly interpret it in the way Jehovah god intended. Why would god inspire the bible for mankind to understand and give us the intellectual capacity to do so if its all a mystery, not to be fully understood?
I am in my early 20s and although left the faith to experience the world indulging into sex, drugs n' rock n' roll, I soon came to find nothing in the world but the fact I once followed Jehovahs witnesses gave me a sense of purpose or self actualization. In the time I left the faith I concentrated my time looking into other beliefs, both in christianity and new religious movements, also buddism, hidusim and paganism. By careful critisim I found too many inconsistences with their practices and belief systems as they were all very lax and believed in self directecd interpretations as opposed to all unitedly agreeing. Jehovahs witnesses are the only religion that worships Jehovah as oposed to only exonerating Jesus, gods son. They do not believe in the trinity but one god Jehovah; Jesus as his son and Jehovahs Holy spirit. Not that all three are one! They do not believe in Hell as that is NOT a bible teaching but a man made doctrine, AS IS THE TRINITY, as I found in extensive research over the past years. They believe in a paradise on earth and as the bible reads, only 144,000 will rule in heaven with jesus, not everyone that dies goes to heaven, just that annointed number of people; which is also clearly outlined in the bible.
I am in my early 20s and although left the faith to experience the world indulging into sex, drugs n' rock n' roll, I soon came to find nothing in the world but the fact I once followed Jehovahs witnesses gave me a sense of purpose or self actualization. In the time I left the faith I concentrated my time looking into other beliefs, both in christianity and new religious movements, also buddism, hidusim and paganism. By careful critisim I found too many inconsistences with their practices and belief systems as they were all very lax and believed in self directecd interpretations as opposed to all unitedly agreeing. Jehovahs witnesses are the only religion that worships Jehovah as oposed to only exonerating Jesus, gods son. They do not believe in the trinity but one god Jehovah; Jesus as his son and Jehovahs Holy spirit. Not that all three are one! They do not believe in Hell as that is NOT a bible teaching but a man made doctrine, AS IS THE TRINITY, as I found in extensive research over the past years. They believe in a paradise on earth and as the bible reads, only 144,000 will rule in heaven with jesus, not everyone that dies goes to heaven, just that annointed number of people; which is also clearly outlined in the bible.
I without doubt understand and acknowledge that some unaware of the true teachings and beliefs of the Jehovah's Witnesses are more than hesitant to listen or respect their beliefs; and that is fine, all they want to do is share their truths with you, volunteerally I might add, so that everyone they reach can come to an "accurate knowledge of the truth" and Jehovah the Almighty.
Gosh Ive rambled on, but I for myself have chosen to become a Jehovahs Witness because they can accurately answer from the bible any questions I have and I genuinely believe Jehovah is the one and only true God of whom we should worship. However I sincerely respect those who have different belief systems as we all have the 'free will' to choose our paths whether crooked or straight.
"Jehovah is my god to time indefinite, even forever"
Gosh Ive rambled on, but I for myself have chosen to become a Jehovahs Witness because they can accurately answer from the bible any questions I have and I genuinely believe Jehovah is the one and only true God of whom we should worship. However I sincerely respect those who have different belief systems as we all have the 'free will' to choose our paths whether crooked or straight.
"Jehovah is my god to time indefinite, even forever"
by L-Jay October 10, 2006
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.Witless Protection Program (wit less pro tek shun pro gram) NOUN. An organization devoted to saving clueless people from the consequences of their stupidity.
Molly- Did you just threaten to kill the president?
Conrad- No, I said he's going to get shot.
Molly- How would you know?
Conrad- He's GOT to, nobody's going to stand for Obama giving a million dollars to every black person in the country!
Molly- What makes you think he's going to do that?
Conrad- Oh it's obvious. You know the way all those blacks work together.
(she scribbles something on a scrap of paper).
Molly- You are going to need this number.
Conrad- Who's this?
Molly- That's the number for the Witless Protection Program.
Conrad- No, I said he's going to get shot.
Molly- How would you know?
Conrad- He's GOT to, nobody's going to stand for Obama giving a million dollars to every black person in the country!
Molly- What makes you think he's going to do that?
Conrad- Oh it's obvious. You know the way all those blacks work together.
(she scribbles something on a scrap of paper).
Molly- You are going to need this number.
Conrad- Who's this?
Molly- That's the number for the Witless Protection Program.
by Maxhole June 25, 2009
Get the Witless Protection Program mug.A cult that practices shunning of former members and refusal of blood transfusions. They feel free to preach endlessly to you, but will not read anything you provide them on alternative opinions believing it to be originating from Satan.
Jehovah's Witnesses are not allowed to speak to former members, even if they are family. Some chose to leave, others may have been disfellowshipped, a form of excommunication.
Problem:
If you were once a JW and now have learned new information, how can you enlighten current JWs if they are not allowed to talk to you. That is why they are a cult.
Problem:
If you were once a JW and now have learned new information, how can you enlighten current JWs if they are not allowed to talk to you. That is why they are a cult.
by rodneyfaile October 20, 2006
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.a bunch of boring mothafuckers who dont selebrate birthdays
they feel it is there goal to anooy the fuck out of normal people
they feel it is there goal to anooy the fuck out of normal people
ben- did you talk to those Jehovah's Witnesses bible fags
christian- nah just told the fags i was buddist, stupid cocks
christian- nah just told the fags i was buddist, stupid cocks
by cwk April 23, 2006
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.Selectively telling people you've converted right around Christmas so you receive lots of presents but don't give any
Dan tried to pull a Jehovah Witless on everybody so his present from me is gonna be a log of shit in a box
by PapaNickDawg March 24, 2011
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