Old Testament:
God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then
Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls
Eve, telling her "Apple or GTFO" (cuz she's already showing
tits) she chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being troll bait. Then alot of serious fucking
incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains alot, really)
Then later,
God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler for pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis. God lol'd.
Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.
New Testament: God finds
Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes then he gave Moses, plus the
rcon password for life and some
CP.
Later, Jesus became a
hardcore ska
punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had God Mode turned on though, so he waited 2 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into lifes server, and laughed at the jews.
After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot
Paul wrote an assload of shit about
sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to
Paul anyway because they're stupid.
The End
