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Join Jesus January 

You have read the bible 5 times a day and give out bible to cleanse your friends from destroy dick December. If one fails Join Jesus January god will smite them.
John: Take this bible in the holy name of Join Jesus January
Phil: I'm good
John: Your a dead man
Join Jesus January by Spam Police November 12, 2018

Buttermilk Jesus

We gon' get real nasty in this motherfucker tonight
(Gonna get real nasty)
Damn, damn, Buttermilk Jesus
(That's not a good tag)
Uh
Ayy, ayy
Hahaha
Buttermilk Jesus by Devon Hendryx November 14, 2020

rn jesus 

Derived from RNG or Random Number Generator. Typically used in video games due to the luck of a random number generator being represented as a Miracle or Divine intervention and thus the character of RN Jesus is prayed to or thanked for Luck. Most situations where RN Jesus is invoked involve games with Random Criticals like Fire Emblem and Team Fortress 2.
"I have a 1% chance of getting a Critical Hit and RN Jesus blessed me." Then later... "Why RN Jesus, why? I had a 99% chance of hitting that!"
rn jesus by Voreala July 21, 2016

Cunt of Jesus! 

An expression shouted LOUD after a series of misfortunes, or efforts to complete an excruciating task. About as blasphemous as one can get.
Phil: I was painting the ceiling, the shit was going all over the place, so I hollered to the heavens, "Cunt of Jesus!!!!!"
Cunt of Jesus! by maoZZ November 21, 2010

crossfit jesus 

A person who is obsessed with crossfit and metalcore music. They are so talented at crossfit, they feel the need to participate in it almost every day, even when injured. Also known as WWE Superstar Seth Rollins.
My friend keeps sending me pictures of crossfit jesus lifting weights and she needs to stop.
crossfit jesus by Sk8rWolfy August 9, 2016

come-to-Jesus moment

An epiphany in which one realizes the truth of a matter; a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something; coming clean and admitting failures; realizing the true weight or impact of a negative situation or fact; acknowledgment that one must get back to core values; moment of realization; an aha moment; moment of decision; moment of truth; critical moment; moment of reassessment of priorities; turning point; life-changing moment.

(alt.: "come-to-jesus moment")
“‘We had a real scare, a real come-to-Jesus moment. It was a time to figure out what we were about, where our priorities were. And there was no question. What we didn't realize is how we’d let our work overwhelm our family . . .”— Peer Marriage: How Love Between Equals Really Works by P. Schwartz, page 143 (1994)

”When I hear someone refer to a come-to-Jesus encounter/talk/experience, they're usually referring to a moment of truth that is difficult and harrowing for all who experience it.”—Telegraph-Herald (Dubuque, Iowa), 18 February, 2006

“My feeling is at a certain point we're going to have a 'come-to-Jesus' moment in the caucus and talk about whether you fund (the war) or not," said Rep. Jim McDermott, D-Wash.”—AP Online, 17 April, 2007

“Koonce got into teaching after he was in a severe car accident about five years ago. The wreck caused him to reassess his priorities. ‘It was kind of a come-to-Jesus moment,’ he says. ‘I started thinking about what was really important to me and a way for me to give back.’”— The Greater Baton Rouge Business Report (Louisiana), 18 November, 2008

“As important as the Massachusetts special election was to the health-care debate, it also represents a come-to-Jesus moment for the GOP. What kind of party will it be?”—Washington Post, 20 January, 2010