Mustn't Masturbate Merry Christmas

"Mustn't Masturbate Merry Christmas" is a challenge given to mostly men that revolves around that masturbating for all of Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Those who fail are forced to become elves, working in Santa's workshop for the rest of their lives. Those who pass, however, are given 30 minutes to do what they'd like with Mrs Claus, Santa's wife. Most, however, tend to pork her.

Person 1: Why have you been so down recently?
Person 2: I don't know. I just can't find the holiday spirit.
Person 1: Just participate in "Mustn't Masturbate Merry Christmas"!
Person 2: What's that?
Person 1: *shows them Urban Dictionary definition*
Person 2: Don't ever talk to me again.
Person 1: *commits suicide*

by Your Materfamilias December 23, 2018

masturbates furiously

a shitty interweb site

man, masturbatesfuriously.com is stupid

by hat November 4, 2004

wasturbate

when you get wasted and then masturbate because you are either bored, horny, or have no friends (and probably all three)

co-worker: "Man, last night was such a blast... me and my buddies met up with these girls at this bar and we were all out till like 4 a.m."

you: "yeah, I just stayed at home and wasturbated all night"

by Jimmy Joey Bobby April 22, 2011

Masturbaterade

Combination of Viagra, an energy drink, and a sports drink to help sustain performance during intense masturbation by giving the user an extreme erection, plenty of energy and the perfect amount of hydration. Stamina will increase and it will be possible to masturbate for hours.

My wife left me home for the weekend so I picked up some masturbaterade to use on Saturday night.

by Chubs McGahee July 4, 2012

Farturbating

Farturbating, the less-acceptable version of the farting and masturbating incarnations (the other being Masturfaring), is when one elects to masturbate after they have already begun to pass gass (i.e. fart).

The order of these activities is crucial : If you are gassy (i.e. farting) and you elect to masturbate, you are Farturbating. Congratulations. If you begin masturbating and realize you are gassy, though continue, you are masturfarting. Also, congratulations.

For disambiguation, see FARTURBATING, and the sister activity, QUEEFURBATING

I was gassy, but didn't want that to prevent me from re-living my makeout sesh with Britney last night. I had to start farturbating

by MasturBATing September 27, 2010

Masturbate

hi! every1 knows how to masturbate, but if you don’t.. here is how!
i’m a girl so this is written for girls!

take off your bottoms and undies, and rub small circles around your clit, if you want more, slam your fingers into your vagina. If that isn’t something you like, you can also keep your undies on, grab a pillow, if it has a zipper at the end where you can open the pillow, try putting something hard in there that you can rub your clit against! hope that helped!

if you are horny now, go masturbate! cuz now you know how :)

by ash! :) November 21, 2020

masturbate text

A masturbate text is a text message sent out in the moments leading to a masturbation session. The text is sent in hopes of a quick response potentially leading to intercourse rather than self pleasure. If the recipient does not respond in a short period of time, it is acceptable to continue with the original plan to masturbate. This rarely works but is something worth trying on select occasions.

It was tuesday night and I was about to go to bed but I thought I'd masturbate before hand. I decided to send out a few masturbate texts to test the waters. I didn't receive an acceptable response within 45 seconds so I proceeded to masturbate.

by masterbate text December 27, 2009