Canada's History

a sexual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this case, that story is the history of Canada. As an element of foreplay, the man pours some maple syrup on the woman's body, and licks it off of her abdomen, breasts, nipples, and vulva in that respective order. In honor of Samuel De Champlain's voyage by canoe through Lake Nipissing, the man rubs is penis lengthwise along the woman's vulva, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals with her urine. Then the man and woman perform oral sex on each other, burying their faces in each other's pubic hair, representing the fur trade. The man has intercourse with the woman doggy style, while slapping her buttocks vigorously, representing the French and Indian Wars. He also fists the woman's vagina; however she subsequently fists the man's anus; this exchange represents the War of 1812. After this point in history, Canada is known mostly for participatory, but not pivotal roles in world affairs. Therefore, any combination of missionary position and fingering are used to bring the woman to orgasm, representing the post-WWII prosperity of the country. Finally, the man ejaculates all over the woman's face, representing the sovereignty of Quebec.

Wife: I just feel like there isn't any excitement in our sex life, eh.

Husband: I think it's that we just don't have enough energy after all our other responsibilities, eh, the kids, work.

Marriage Counselor: Like I haven't heard that a trillion fucking times, eh!! You two should learn Canada's History like any responsible citizens would! Now get the fuck out and fuck!!!

by Guffaw February 5, 2010

Canada's history

This terrifying, little-practiced sex act requires elaborate staging and great acrobatic strength. First, the nude, submissive participant stands before the Stanley cup. The submissive lowers their head into the cup. The dominant participant approaches from behind with a decanter of warmed maple syrup, which is poured liberally onto the head and genitals of the submissive. Using thinly-sliced Canadian bacon as a prophylactic, the dominant penetrates the anus of the submissive with the body part or object of their choice, while simultaneously scoring the submissive's back with the antlers of a moose. Coitus ensues. Traditionally, the climax of either partner is marked by shouting the name of the band Rush's singer and bass player, "Geddy Lee!"

Right after my partner marked me with the Dirty Sanchez, I retorted with a Canada's history.

by dragonfucker February 6, 2010

Shitstory

1. An alternate to "history", a recollection or tale of a past occurence that is obviously made-up.

2. A personal bad history.

Anne: She said she hooked up with FIVE different guys last night!
Liz: That's total shitstory. She's not pretty at all.

OR

Anne: You shouldn't go out with him, he has a shitstory to hit it and quit it.

by estarly March 31, 2010

sistory

A history that only sisters understand.

That night with Jon is total sistory, only Paris and Nicole will ever know the details!

by HeySuz June 22, 2011

America's History

A sexual act that requires great finesse and patriotism. It is between a man and a woman, starting with foreplay, representing the founding of Jamestown. This will lead to the arrival of Pilgrims who celebrate the first Thanksgiving, symbolized through the man feasting on the woman's vagina. The man will then "cross the Delaware" by switching from her vagina to her anus, representing the War for Independence. Next is the signing of the Declaration of Independence, signed by John Handcock and fifty-five others. The woman will give the man a hand job, or a blowjob depending on preference. Next the settlement of the West, bringing cowboys and gold mining to America. This is symbolized through the cowgirl/reverse cowgirl position. After this would be the Civil War, in which the couple will engage in doggy style, vaginal for the North and anal for the South. Next is the the Prohibition Act, which is represented by the couple drinking a variety of alcohol, potentially from the oral, naval, or anal cavities. Following would be the baby boom, post-WWII, represented by the most popular sex position, missionary. This leads to America putting the first man on the moon in 1969, which will require the couple to engage in the sixty-nine position. This will end with the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, leaving America as the only superpower in the world, symbolized by the man ejaculating onto the woman's face - a sign of dominance.

America's History - Patriotism even in the bedroom.

by May de Flower November 10, 2017

Canada's History

The sexual act in which you pour maple syrup into a cup half way. You then collect moose leavings and put it into the Stanly Cup. Saw off moose antlers from either a live moose or a wall mounted moose head, you mix the syrup and moose scat with one antler. With the other you are to have a female or male partner and you spank the person with the antler. With the cup you pour the syrup/moose scat over the person. As you do, you are to sing the canadian anthem. After the cup is empty the person covered in the stuff is to vomit into the cup, and you are to jack off into it and mix this with the first antler. This you are to pour over you while naming Canada's provenses. After you have poured the vomit/cum over you, you and the partner is to fist eachother's asses at the same time, and saying "eh?" over and over.

1.The most vial and distrubing sexual act I have ever heared of is called Canada's History

2.My girlfriend Canada's history-ed me last night, I didnt know she was so disturbing....and hot

by dothebedn February 6, 2010

Canada's History

The sexual act of covering moose antlers with maple syrup leaving it out overnight and sticking the bug covered antlers into as many orifices as possible while your partner beats you over the head with the Stanly Cup. Then using the resulting blood and semen to draw a portrait of Queen Elizabeth ii all while listning to Rush or Bryan Adams

Bill: I met a hot girl from Toronto last night
Steve: Did you do Canada's History with her
Bill: Yeah do you want to see the queen portrait

by jetmax25 February 5, 2010