i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out

you screwed up bigtime. fr on god.

person 1: i had sex with an omlette in the middle of a mall while making eye contact with a security guard before being escorted out
person 2: you fucking what??? you goin to jail cuhhhhhhhhh

by some random ahh mothafucka idk June 6, 2022

I had one but the wheels fell off

A sarcastic reply, used when you don't understand what the other person is saying (commonly technical).

Frenchie: C'est ville quos muos pume rouge j'aime marsh'mallo
Paul: I had one but the wheels fell off.

or

Person A: All you have to do is remove the hydraulic overhead slip ring so the cam will meet the side flange.
Person B: Yeah, I had one but the wheels fell off.

by weavile22 December 27, 2010

I remember when I had my first beer.

An effective insult. Used when someone says something sophomoric. Made famous by Steve Martin on his "Wild and Crazy Guy" album.

(Audience member): What's your mood watch say?
(Martin): Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer.

by dcd$ January 21, 2011

I had a girlfriend like that once

A joke similar to "That's what she said"
A funny comment said when a person makes a statement that could also describe an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.

Lee: Don't worry it's wide enough to fit two or three.
Thomas: I had a girlfriend like that once...

Christina: It's so small I can barely see it.
Lynne: I had a boyfriend like that once...

by Jeff Zuckerman April 22, 2008

I had to beat them to death with their own shoes

Phrase proclaimed after breaking into a candy store at the edge of town, wrestling the Bengal Tiger they have for a guard dog, and beating the shopkeeper and his son to death with their boots.

We had to find 1000 brown M&M's to fill a brandy glass or Ozzy wasn't to go on stage that night!

by Bastardized Bottomburp July 2, 2003

I wish I had more hands...

An expression used to communicate disapproval of a specific instance, circumstance or thing(s) which was initially expected to rock but then ended in disappointment.

"...so I can give those (fill in the blank) four thumbs down."

by JT Arpent July 13, 2004

If I had a dime for every time

the indicated event occurs very frequently

If I had a dime for every time I heard that cat growl, I could buy my own orchard.

by The Return of Light Joker January 20, 2008