Pasturebation

The act of happening upon a beautiful scene scape, one that stops you dead in your tracks and forces you to think about the beauty in the world (such as the love of your life coming up behind you, wrapping their arms around you firmly, resting their head in the nape of your neck and quietly whispering "I love you"). The kind of place where it seems that the wind itself whistles merry tunes, as if to say, "hey little guy, everything's going to be alright..." and a photographer behind you is capturing every perfect moment so it can be used as a default wallpaper for Windows 90 million or a background on a calendar for the month of September. Then, just as your head is being filled with wondrous thoughts, and you could swear you caught a whiff of fresh apple pie right out of the oven, you notice a man right at the top of the hill, standing directly in front of the sunset where the sky meets the earth, violently Pasturebating. Yes, that's right. Don't clean your glasses or blink twice, leaning forward a bit. That man is publicly masturbating atop one of the most beautiful places on planet earth. He then, with a grin from ear to ear that makes dead grandmothers everywhere nod their head exclaiming "what a nice boy", blows his regal load in the direction of the once-calming wind and you watch it fly away; forever whisked to the fertile loins of forever. You will never look at this place the same again. In fact, you will be so scarred you will probably never return at all.

Mom: Here it is sweetie, the Grand Canyon!

Child: oh wow! what's THAT mom?!

Mom: What's wha.......oh my god....IS THAT.....IS HE............WHO THE FUCK........WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Child: what's a "fuck" mom?

Mom: SHUT THE FUCK UP....WE'RE OUT OF HERE......THOSE DAMN PASTUREBATERS WITH THEIR PASTUREBATION JUST HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING, DON'T THEY.........

by B.D. Joe October 12, 2010

take the cow out to pasture

when you have to jack off to get the rest of the cum out of your dick after having sex

After I fucked Jessica I had to take the cow out to pasture.

by TST November 11, 2008

pasture chubby

This happens when you are wearing tight jeans while riding through a pasture (or off-road) in a truck. Next thing you know, you got a full on chubby because your jeans are rubbing on your penis. This is caused by the truck rocking back and forth due to the rough terrain.

"Damnit, these jeans are too tight, now I have a pasture chubby."

her: "Babe, why is your penis hard?"
you: "It's not hard, I got a pasture chubby!"

by Snuffy Jenkins April 14, 2014

goose pasture

On the ranch, when you don't want the bull in with the cows, you put the bull the field with the geese. "Goose pasture" is that place where the male has no opportunity with sexual relations with the opposite sex. The phrase is aptly applied to the the situation a young husband finds himself in during the last trimester of his wife's pregnancy.

Ryan's wife is really big and pregnant now. I bet he's in goose pasture.

by Ron Erickson July 20, 2007

take him out to pasture

Removing a person from your world. Then taking them out to a field and burying the body. So that the grass is fertilized and the cows can eat out in the pasture and I can enjoy a good steak.

That sorry no good MFer. Somebody needs to take him out to pasture.... (Find pasture- Pop Pop, dig, bury)

by jonesin9 November 23, 2021

Putting the cows out to pasture

To manually stimulate male genitalia to ejaculation through a pump-action maneuver.

After a particularly rough day at work, Watkins was found putting the cows out to pasture so as to relieve stress.

by EMCEE3PO June 4, 2018

pasture

Any grassy-knoll-like surface of the body...grassy-knoll-like in that is it harry and sound for grazing. Or digging.

Don't touch my pasture.

by Rachael Waterdwelling January 23, 2003