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Evangelical

The Andromeda Strain of Christianity. Often called "conservative Christianity", when in reality it is a very modern radical version. Evangelicalism has no true theology, substituting apologetics for theology, and far more concerned with what will draw in people than in actual beliefs.

Evangelicals are often mistaken for Protestants, however the two groups a quite different. Protestantism is based on the idea that people can read and understand the Bible for themselves, without need of a mediator. In Evangelicalism, your minister is the final authority of what the Bible means.

Evangelicals gather to worship in thousands or tens of thousands in the belief that their minister is an intermediary to God, and that it is very important to get their religion directly from him.
The Evangelical's theology changed so fast that it was changed before the sermon was even finished.
by TheOmicron1 January 11, 2010
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evangelical

1. an adjective synonymous with "mindless."

2. a noun synonymous with "fucking idiot."
Her evangelical lifestyle proves that her mind is in full intellectual retreat.

That annoying evangelical thinks THE PASSION is the greatest movie ever made. What a fucking idiot.
by a voice of reason June 17, 2005
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evangelical

1.Someone who despite all accepted scientific evidence does not believe in evolution.
2.Even stranger in the 21st century. Someone who believes that "The passion of the Christ" is a better film than "Life of Brian"
3. Someone liable to start waving their hands during a church song.
1. Utah
2. No Taste
3. A habit more repellant than sticking your hand down your trousers in church.
by Cillie September 15, 2005
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evangelical

Modern day nazi's. They brainwash there followers using group hysteria, which Hitler used. They try to convert everything that moves by forcing people to beleive what they think. They consider themselves an army of god, ready to fight for his bidding.

They are also hypocrite's. E.G. Ted haggard , who is one of the pastor's at a mega church i colorado, paid a male prostitute to butt fuck him after condeming gays and homosexual activity. He asked forgiveness and was forgiven and "cured", but if any one else who wasnt evangelical did that they would not be forgiven ( like Bill Clinton).
Evangelicals are such asshole hypocrite's.
by atkins December 15, 2008
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Evangelical

A group of Christian hypocrites; calling themselves Godly, but doing everything that all sinners do, and then some. It's easy to become one. Say a short prayer asking Jesus to come into your heart, then go back to doing all the crap you did before...because as an Evangelical, it doesn't count. Just say another short prayer, and all is forgiven. You must give 10% of your earnings, because the pastor and his family need Mercedes, vacation homes, 10 kt cocktail rings, yachts, and hair implants, breast implants, and weekly spray tans. I believe all of these provisions are spoken of in Leviticus. Evangelicals are exactly what Jesus would be applauding if He were alive.
That evangelical just stole my grandma's 401k.
by Toorealfromkansas November 16, 2017
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Evangelical Atheist

An atheist that combats religion as zealously as evangelicals thrust their religious beliefs on others.
I was talking to a co-worker about an episode of Mysteries of the Bible on National Geographic and this Evangelical Atheist jumped into our conversation telling us that we believed in a Spaghetti Monster God.
by Aaron C. A April 8, 2012
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evangelical movement

When someone takes a crap that is so magnificent they cannot bring themselves to flush, and instead must show everyone they know this magnificent creation.
Bob: Joe! You must see this! Come with me! Something magnificent has happened!
Joe: Wow, ok
Bob: Look, look here at what I have created!
Joe: Um, wow, nice turd Bob
Bob: Nice turd? That is no mortal turd Joe, this is the Turd of turds!
Joe: Yeah, sure, I can see that. A true evangelical movement you've had there.
by I'm Pseudonym March 3, 2011
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