Jesus Status 

Doing something so amazing that only Jesus could be thought to have done.

Did you see that goal in the football game last night?

Yeah. It was Jesus Status

Jesus Status by Eve Tsobst July 25, 2009

Jesus Christ on a Pikestaff 

A synonym of Fuck My Life with a religious twist. An expression of extreme displeasure pertaining to an event, action, or outcome.

Bro1: Dude, your girlfriend just fucked another guy.
Bro2: Oh, Jesus Christ on a Pikestaff!

Jesus Christ on a Pikestaff by Dunbarbalooie2 October 6, 2010

Jesus hugger 

A person, usually a Christian, who's obsessed with JC.

(Obviously they can't really hug the fella, but you're just gettin' this strong vibe from them that if they could, they would, oh they would..)

-"You wanna pop those beers early man?"

-"I can't bro, I gotta go to church with my family"

-"Damn, you don't want to be surrounded by tons of Jesus huggers for a whole hour. Let's get drunk and kill a hobo instead"

-"You're right! What was I thinking?!"

Jesus hugger by GodSexy April 7, 2011

Jesus Bless You 

A phrase commonly said when someone sneezes in the presence of a christ killer, to bring guilt to their souls for their terrible actions.

*Jew walks into the room*
Billy: ACHOOOO!
Everyone else: JESUS BLESS YOU!

Jesus Bless You by Kaspermacus May 6, 2011

Jesus is Savior 

Jesus is savior is perhaps the biggest troll website on the internet. Within its hallowed lines of code, insane author David J. Stewart, only real prophet of one Jesus H. Christ, spreads the true word of God to everyone who incurs his (David’s) wrath, such as the whole human race, which includes but is not limited to whites, blacks, Asians, Arabs, Chinks, niggas, niggers, Negroes, crackers, Whitey, terrorists, faggots, and the French, and reveals to you that everything you know and love is in reality “of the devil” (even the Bible) and run by “Banksters.” According to this website, anyone who is not David Stewart is bound for demonic booty-rape in Hell, the domain of the Devil, Illuminati, and Democratic Party. The website uses elegant literary devices such as contradiction, grammatical and spelling errers, non-contradiction, redundancy, redundancy, and destroying the reputations of celebrities, including those who need no help in that capacity, such as Justin Bieber, “Satan’s Homosexual Boy Toy.” The reason this website was created is because David got all butt-hurt after child protective services forced his daughter to take drugs that made her hair fall out. Reliving the Red Scare by calling things Communist is also another prevalent theme in Jesus-is-savior. Later in his life, David became a necromancer and beat small children, which led to his flight to Brazil where he remains today.

Drunkard 1: I have a new drinking game we can play.
Drunkard 2: What are the rules?
Drunkard 1: Let’s read an article on Jesus is savior and take a drink every time a reference to Satan is made.
Drunkard 2: Sounds tight brah!
(The poor booze-hounds died of alcohol poisoning without even getting halfway through the article)

Jesus is Savior by Ronald Bringus Ph.D. October 26, 2015

Jesus Nectar 

Grand Marnier, an orange-flavored cognac-based liquer, 40% (80 proof). Labeled Jesus Nectar as it the only adult beverage suitable for Jesus. It has been foretold that if Jesus were to come back to earth, it would be to drink Grand Marnier and pop at bitches in the club parking lot.

Vincent: I need a drink. You need a drink? How about a fernet?

Jules: Fuck that noise, I only drink that Jesus Nectar.

Jesus Nectar by Nerdrow November 11, 2010

Jesus Money

not actual currency, just hopes and prayers. When people pay you in Jesus money they dont actually pay you in money, they just pray for you.

If she pays us in Jesus Money I'll explode!!

Jesus Money by poopbutjazzfunk November 29, 2011