Yeah, that's a pretty egregious conflation of ontology and theology.
Hym "Yeah, see... My problem with theology is that it posits the assertion that life is a morality test designed by a guy... Who gave us the answers TO the test... And now all we have to do is use the answers he gave us... TO the test HE GAVE US... So that it doesn't have to burn us forever... For not using the correct answers... That he gave us 2000 years ago... In an act of DIRECT DIALOGUE...
Hym "Yeah, see... My problem with theology is that it posits the assertion that life is a morality test designed by a guy... Who gave us the answers TO the test... And now all we have to do is use the answers he gave us... TO the test HE GAVE US... So that it doesn't have to burn us forever... For not using the correct answers... That he gave us 2000 years ago... In an act of DIRECT DIALOGUE...
With a guy who died 2000 years ago... And this guy is the last and ONLY guy to have ever spoken to it... But I also shouldn't worry about it... Because I am inherently guilty... While SIMULTANEOUSLY preemptively forgiven... And that means NOT that I won't be burned forever... But that it wasn't going to forgive the inherent guilt (at first)... But NOW it IS going to do that... So, I WAS going to burn forever initially... But it changed it's mind... And now... As long as I just shut up and use the test answers I was given... It won't burn me forever... Instead of the thing it was GOING to burn me forever for... Initially... The inherent guilt I mean... Which is not a thing I ACTUALLY DID... But a thing some dumb bitch who doesn't do what she's told did... And her doing THAT is somehow cosmicly makes ME guilty of the thing SHE did... But not anymore because we murdered the test-guy... Which is what we were supposed to do... As part of the test... And I also have to do weird breeding rituals... And the guy gets to murder me once and how well I receive it determines whether or not I'm burned alive forever. It deliberately wastes .0000-01 of an eternity that you will never get back and then it sends a semi-sentient teeth torpedo at you and shreds the flesh from your skeleton. And this is what I should both serve and worship. That's your theology."
by Hym Iam September 23, 2023
Get the Theology mug.by Conrad M. January 18, 2024
Get the Theologize mug.Someone who obsessed with theology or church doctrine to the point of it taking over their life. They love to split hairs over every minute detail or obscure interpretation of a given religious worldview. They can be a member of any religious sect (or even sometimes non-religious academics), but in the West they are usually some variation of Christian. It is important to note that the majority of Christians, and religious people in general, are not theologycels.
Me: "Divorce is wrong unless a spouse committed infidelity or abuse"
Theologycel: "Well actually, the Catholic Church defined marriage as a sacrament in 1439, and it cannot be broken for any reason. This is all well known in the Canon and it goes back to this verse in Ecclesiastes that stipulates as such. Besides, there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church so you'll burn in hell if you disagree."
Me: "Shut up theologycel. I will not listen to you or your globohomo Pope lecture me on the morality of divorce."
Theologycel: "Well actually, the Catholic Church defined marriage as a sacrament in 1439, and it cannot be broken for any reason. This is all well known in the Canon and it goes back to this verse in Ecclesiastes that stipulates as such. Besides, there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church so you'll burn in hell if you disagree."
Me: "Shut up theologycel. I will not listen to you or your globohomo Pope lecture me on the morality of divorce."
by MelGibsonwithanRPG November 29, 2023
Get the Theologycel mug.A more formal, academic discipline that applies scientific and philosophical methodologies to religious doctrine, texts, and experience. It uses historical criticism, linguistics, archaeology, and sociology to study religion as a human phenomenon, while also engaging in systematic theology to build coherent models of the divine. It's the bridge department where a professor might use quantum physics to model the concept of omnipresence one day and carbon-date a Dead Sea Scroll fragment the next.
Example: "His class in Theological Sciences was a trip: Monday was using game theory to model the Council of Nicaea, Wednesday was analyzing prayer-brainwave scans, and Friday was debating if AI could receive sacraments."
by Abzugal January 30, 2026
Get the Theological Sciences mug.Defective in morality
Thinks they are a local that has only been here for 20 hours.
Have a house in the family and come for 2 weeks out of the year and claim Tahoe is their home base but now they airBnB it.
Thinks they are a local that has only been here for 20 hours.
Have a house in the family and come for 2 weeks out of the year and claim Tahoe is their home base but now they airBnB it.
That Tahole got his cyberpunk stuck in the snowbank again and needed my Subaru to pull him out. That Masshole moved to Lake Tahoe!
by anonymous March 14, 2025
Get the tahole mug.A guy who is normally quiet in the classroom but hey you dont plan a murder out loud. They are badass's that has all the girls crawling up to him. Basically HE IS A GOD if you see a timothy thole either walk past with caution or run fast he will destroy you
Average guy: omg i almost ran into a timothy thole the other day
Friend: oh shit how did you survive?
TIMOTHY THOLE: HELLO HOW ARE YOU DOING
BOTH GUYS: Runs screaming
Friend: oh shit how did you survive?
TIMOTHY THOLE: HELLO HOW ARE YOU DOING
BOTH GUYS: Runs screaming
by Nito Arima May 1, 2018
Get the timothy thole mug.by The real lord chungus February 7, 2019
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