Ian the Christmas Monkey
Ian the Christmas Monkey. Father Christmas is a relatively new addition to Finnish folklore. Until the late 70's Finnish children believed that their presents were left by Ian the Christmas Monkey.
Upon waking on Christmas morning, the children would grab their bulging stockings and rush out into the snow filled lanes, dancing round and chanting at the tops of their voices, (in Finnish, of course!): "We welcome you oh hallowed Ian, bring us gifts you furry rascal." Over and over. After an hour of almost trance inducing celebration, they would sit in a clearing to compare gifts, and make fun of the children who got crap presents because their parents were poor. Then they would be called in for breakfast.
The tradition Finnish Christmas breakfast would consist of vodka and a crude porridge made not with milk, but semen milked from the family hunting dogs.
Ian the Christmas Monkey. Father Christmas is a relatively new addition to Finnish folklore. Until the late 70's Finnish children believed that their presents were left by Ian the Christmas Monkey.
Upon waking on Christmas morning, the children would grab their bulging stockings and rush out into the snow filled lanes, dancing round and chanting at the tops of their voices, (in Finnish, of course!): "We welcome you oh hallowed Ian, bring us gifts you furry rascal." Over and over. After an hour of almost trance inducing celebration, they would sit in a clearing to compare gifts, and make fun of the children who got crap presents because their parents were poor. Then they would be called in for breakfast.
The tradition Finnish Christmas breakfast would consist of vodka and a crude porridge made not with milk, but semen milked from the family hunting dogs.
Child: Father, shall we be visited by Ian the Christmas Monkey tomorrow, as I am hoping for an x-box.
Father: Silence child, I am milking the dogs; pass me a tissue!
Father: Silence child, I am milking the dogs; pass me a tissue!
by david mckay December 9, 2008
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