Dream Sciences

The multidisciplinary study of the cinema that plays in your head while you're unconscious, featuring you as the star, director, and bewildered critic. It attempts to answer why you're giving a presentation to an audience of giant chickens, why your teeth are falling out (again), and why your high school crush is there, looking disappointed. Despite decades of research, the primary findings of dream sciences remain: dreams feel longer than they are, and you will always wake up right before the good part.

Example: "According to dream sciences, my recurring nightmare about being chased by a giant rolling cheese wheel suggests I have unresolved anxiety about... something. Probably lactose intolerance. Or debt. The science is unclear."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Astral Sciences

The rigorous academic discipline dedicated to studying everything that happens when your "astral body" supposedly leaves your physical form to wander the cosmos. It's the field that attempts to map the astral plane, catalog its inhabitants (usually described as "beings of pure light" or "terrifying shadow monsters"), and develop a standardized taxonomy for out-of-body experiences. Unfortunately, peer review in astral sciences is tricky, as replicating the results requires the other scientist to also be asleep or deeply meditating at the exact same time.

Example: "He claimed his astral sciences research had proven the existence of the Akashic Records, a cosmic library of all knowledge. When asked for a source, he said he 'read it on the astral plane last Tuesday.' His paper was rejected."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Spiritual Sciences

The systematic study of things you feel in your gut but cannot prove in a lab, requiring a methodology that involves equal parts meditation, introspection, and Googling crystals at 2 AM. It's the academic discipline that attempts to quantify vibes, measure auras, and develop a taxonomy for chakras, all while acknowledging that the primary research instrument is "how it makes you feel." Spiritual sciences operate on a peer-review system where the peers are usually also the ones who wrote the book on energy healing, and the data is considered significant if it leads to a personal breakthrough.

Example: "After a weekend retreat, she earned her certificate in spiritual sciences, which meant she was now qualified to tell people their anxiety was just a blocked root chakra. She set up a practice in her living room and charged $75 for an 'auric reading.'"

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Divine Sciences

The audacious academic field that attempts to study God—or gods, or the Divine, or the Great Whatever—using the limited tools of the human mind. It's like trying to measure the ocean with a teaspoon, but the teaspoon is also on fire. Divine sciences encompass theology, mysticism, and that one friend who's always saying "the universe told me" as if they have a direct hotline to management. The primary challenge is that the subject of study is notoriously difficult to get on the record for a peer-reviewed interview.

Example: "His doctoral thesis in divine sciences was titled 'A Comparative Analysis of the Beard Lengths of Patriarchal Deities.' He concluded that longer beards correlated with higher levels of wrath, but noted the sample size was statistically insignificant due to a lack of photographic evidence."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Metaphysical Sciences

The rigorous academic study of things that, by definition, exist beyond the physical world, which makes data collection a bit of a challenge. It's the field where your laboratory is your mind, your primary instrument is intuition, and your control group is "people who haven't had the experience." Metaphysical sciences attempt to apply the scientific method—hypothesis, experimentation, conclusion—to phenomena like telepathy, past lives, and the feeling that someone is watching you (even when they are, in fact, watching you). Peer review is difficult when the evidence is vibes-based.

Example: "She claimed her degree in metaphysical sciences allowed her to quantitatively measure auras. When asked for her methodology, she said she 'just kinda feels it, you know?' Her data was considered statistically insignificant but spiritually very meaningful."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Metasocial Sciences

The study of the study of society. It's the academic equivalent of holding a mirror up to a mirror and trying to analyze the reflection. Metasocial sciences don't examine social behavior directly; they examine the theories, methods, and biases of the people who examine social behavior. It's a field where you can get a PhD for writing a paper about why other academics wrote their papers the way they did, and the ultimate goal is to achieve a state of analytical navel-gazing so pure that you forget there are actual people involved.

Example: "Her thesis in metasocial sciences was a meta-analysis of the citation patterns in papers about citation patterns. It was considered a landmark study by the three people in the world who understood it, and utterly meaningless by everyone else."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026

Metacognitive Sciences

The formal study of thinking about thinking, which inevitably leads to thinking about thinking about thinking, creating an infinite regress that usually ends with you staring blankly at a wall, having forgotten what you were originally thinking about. It's the academic discipline that tries to understand why you can't remember why you walked into the kitchen, why you argue with yourself in the shower, and why your brain decides 3 AM is the perfect time to review every embarrassing moment since 2003. The primary research tool is the "wait, what was I saying?" moment.

Example: "I was deep into metacognitive sciences, analyzing why I always procrastinate. I realized it was because I was afraid of failure. Then I started thinking about why I was afraid of failure, and then why I was thinking about why I was afraid of failure. Two hours later, I had done no work and had achieved a state of pure, unproductive self-awareness."

by Abzugal February 14, 2026