by Kamikaze January 7, 2004
Get the Jewsus mug.I haven't read the Bible, but here's what I've deduced about Jesus from watching Fox News:
1.) Jesus is a die-hard Republican. He spends a lot of his time reading books by Ann Coulter and appearing at fundraisers for groups like Focus on the Family.
2.) Jesus was among the earliest proponents for the invasion of Iraq, and even today He sees the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent civilians as a necessary price to pay for installing a western-style democracy in Iraq.
3.) Jesus is an outspoken proponent of supply-side economics, which favor tax cuts to the wealthy. He's also a huge fan of Ronald Reagan.
4.) Jesus thinks that poor people are poor because they are lazy.
5.) Jesus is appalled by same-sex marriage. He thinks that straight people who hate each other have more of a right to be married than two gay people who love each other. Jesus strongly feels that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice.
6.) Jesus does not believe that global warming is caused by humans. He also thinks that intelligent design should be taught in science classes.
7.) Jesus supports capital punishment, and that's why He desperately wanted George W. Bush to be president, and He couldn't be more pleased with how the Bush Administration turned out.
8.) Jesus never misses the O'Reilly factor. And He absolutely hates the Colbert Report.
9). Jesus is radically opposed to a provision of health care to all citizens. He thinks it would lead to a welfare state.
10. And finally, Jesus is really upset that Barack Obama won the 2008 election. He has decided that a second coming will be necessary, and He will rapture people into the heavens on the basis of their party affiliations and campaign contributions.
1.) Jesus is a die-hard Republican. He spends a lot of his time reading books by Ann Coulter and appearing at fundraisers for groups like Focus on the Family.
2.) Jesus was among the earliest proponents for the invasion of Iraq, and even today He sees the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent civilians as a necessary price to pay for installing a western-style democracy in Iraq.
3.) Jesus is an outspoken proponent of supply-side economics, which favor tax cuts to the wealthy. He's also a huge fan of Ronald Reagan.
4.) Jesus thinks that poor people are poor because they are lazy.
5.) Jesus is appalled by same-sex marriage. He thinks that straight people who hate each other have more of a right to be married than two gay people who love each other. Jesus strongly feels that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice.
6.) Jesus does not believe that global warming is caused by humans. He also thinks that intelligent design should be taught in science classes.
7.) Jesus supports capital punishment, and that's why He desperately wanted George W. Bush to be president, and He couldn't be more pleased with how the Bush Administration turned out.
8.) Jesus never misses the O'Reilly factor. And He absolutely hates the Colbert Report.
9). Jesus is radically opposed to a provision of health care to all citizens. He thinks it would lead to a welfare state.
10. And finally, Jesus is really upset that Barack Obama won the 2008 election. He has decided that a second coming will be necessary, and He will rapture people into the heavens on the basis of their party affiliations and campaign contributions.
by Jack Torrance-Overlook Hotel January 10, 2009
Get the Jesus mug.Related Words
Jeasus
• jesus
• Jesus Christ
• Jesus freak
• jesus h christ
• Jesus Juice
• jesuspieces
• jesus tits
• jesusfuck
• Jesus loves you
Jesus Christ is a fictional character.
Associated with The Bibles(A Fictional Storybook) and Christianity.
Associated with The Bibles(A Fictional Storybook) and Christianity.
by Doomester December 26, 2018
Get the Jesus Christ mug.Neo had many previous versions of himself;many "ones." So did Jesus. One of them was a dinosaur. Probably.
by hoifer June 16, 2003
Get the dinosaur jesus mug.An expression of great misfortune, disgust, or suprise. Normally used in the most extreme of circumstances.
See:
Jesus H. Christ
Jesus Tapdancing Christ
Jesus Brick-Shitting Christ
etc...
See:
Jesus H. Christ
Jesus Tapdancing Christ
Jesus Brick-Shitting Christ
etc...
Jesus Breakdancing Christ! My scrotum is missing! How the hell did that happen!??!?!?!!
or...
Guy 1: Hey, I banged your wife last night.
Guy 2: Jesus Breakdancing Christ! Your ass is grass, motherfucker!
or...
Guy 1: Hey, I banged your wife last night.
Guy 2: Jesus Breakdancing Christ! Your ass is grass, motherfucker!
by Mister Joiter October 7, 2007
Get the Jesus Breakdancing Christ mug.In the face of actual proof of evolution Jimmy was having a severe Jesus Crisis. Good thing his faith doesn't require any real proof.
by JRLewis September 25, 2011
Get the Jesus crisis mug.the man who infact looks like jesus,is small like a baby and has the name stevie. he is equivelent to god but yet stevie baby jesus is an atheist. term first used in 2007 at mosinee middle school.
man #1 dood i went to steve schara's house last night.
man #2 who the fuck is that. the only steve ik is stevie baby jesus.
man #1 thats who i ment man
man #2 who the fuck is that. the only steve ik is stevie baby jesus.
man #1 thats who i ment man
by THE REAL STEVIE BABY JESUS! December 31, 2008
Get the stevie baby jesus mug.