English is a Northern European language, part of the West-Germanic language family, making it most closely related to German and Dutch, and also related to some Nordic languages like Danish, Swedish, and Norwegian. It is best known for its extremely complicated and inconsistent methods of spelling and pronunciation, often confusing both native and non-native speakers whenever they encounter new words.
Dearest creature in Creation,
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
It will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it?
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter, how it's written!)
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak,
Previous, precious; fuchsia, via;
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven; how and low;
Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
Hear me say devoid of trickery,
daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
...
(You'll have to look up the rest of the poem, due to the character limit of the Urban Dictionary.
Dearest creature in Creation,
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
It will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye your dress you'll tear.
So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it?
Just compare heart, beard and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
(Mind the latter, how it's written!)
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid, but plaid.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say break, steak, but bleak and streak,
Previous, precious; fuchsia, via;
Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
Cloven, oven; how and low;
Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
Hear me say devoid of trickery,
daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
...
(You'll have to look up the rest of the poem, due to the character limit of the Urban Dictionary.
To any ESL readers out there, if you can read this poem out loud, and pronounce every word correctly, your English language skills are better than the majority of native speakers.
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by Harvington2025 September 16, 2025
Get the Englishly mug.When you strap down one of your friends, cover him him in beans, sausage, bacon, eggs, black pudding and generally things in a full English breakfast. Then flip him over to pour tea down his anus. Finally, you fist him till he arrives.
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Get the English Pumpernickel Pounder mug.Death by taking a dump out of a window (mostly not done in a sober state), overall located higher than the second floor, losing balance, and falling down onto the pedestrian walkway.
John: I'm so sorry to hear that Ed died... What happened?
Ed's mom: He died the English death...
John: I guess he couldn't make it to toilet then.
Ed's mom: He died the English death...
John: I guess he couldn't make it to toilet then.
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Get the The English death mug.In Canada there are two official languages, French and English, taxi English is not the official language of CRA
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Get the Taxi English mug.A variant of the English language used among young people and backpackers in Hostels across the world. Usually includes overuse of 'like', 'awesome' and 'amazing'.
"The burgers around the corner from the hostel are like so amazing."
"Dude, will you stop speaking in Hostel English."
"Dude, will you stop speaking in Hostel English."
by Urban Junkie. September 6, 2016
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