jesus guy 

any guy with long hair who resembles jesus.

guy: I saw george the other day.
dude: whats he up to?
guy: well he turned into a jesus guy.

jesus guy by george January 20, 2005

jesus zombie 

those way overly christian rednecks.
you know? the ones that have bumber stickers to express their feelings.

Holy shit those jesus zombies were totally hatin on me casue im a jew.

jesus zombie by j-doggg March 3, 2008

Jesus take the wheel 

A command used when the driver of a vehicle requires the use of both his hands for a task other than steering i.e. sending a text, opening a beer, or rolling a joint. He yells “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!” while simultaneously removing his hands from it. It is then the immediate duty of the passenger to reach over , grab the wheel, and steer the vehicle until the driver has his hands free once again.

“Yeah thanks for asking John my weekend was pretty goo… JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL I GOTTA CRACK OPEN THIS BEER. FUCK”

Jesus take the wheel by soggypotatoe June 19, 2021

Jesus Phone

The iPhone, one of the most hyped products ever and occasionally called the “Jesus phone” like it was the Second Coming

This is the next "Jesus Phone"

Jesus Phone by Lukas Wo July 27, 2007

Jesus shit 

Great profanity for stubbing toes, realising you haven't paid your rent, seeing the bus you were supposed to catch drive by through the window, exclamation in the middle of an amazing story and discovering that your house is on fire

Person 1: Dude is that your house that's on fire?
Person 2: Oh my god thats my house that's on fire?
Person 1: Your house is so on fire right now.
Person 2: Jesus shit my house really is on fire right now.
Person 1: You should probably do something about that.
Person 2: I think your right, i should probably do something about that.
Toby: Is that your house thats on fire, Person 2?
Person 1 and 2: Shut the fuck up Toby! Jesus shit...

Jesus shit by Person's 1 and 2 (Toby's dead) February 4, 2010

Jesus Burrito

A Burrito made by Jesus. The holiest burrito known to man. Also see Moses Taco.

"Man, eating a Jesus Burrito is like going to church everyday for a month straight and then getting really bad gas."

Jesus Burrito by Joseph Mihalski February 5, 2004

jesus crispy 

1) n. a religious automaton
2) n. a dogma spewing host of one of any potent viral meme complexes, for example, organized religion, political affiliation, or scientific paradigm.

John Ashcroft was annoitied with Crisco oil after he was appointed Attorney General. Dear God, now we have a Jesus crispy setting public policy. "Let the Eagle Soar" and the end come soon.

jesus crispy by Alienthropologist October 22, 2004