Mank wank

A wank with marmite.

I'm going to pick up some marmite from the shop for a mank wank

by Ben is Zero January 21, 2017

Chokey pokey bum wank

Self masterbation (usually male) performed simultaniously whilst inserting a finger into the anus and asphixiating ones self, but not beyond the point of passing out. Only enough to reduce the amount of blood flow to the brain so that it is directed towards the penis for a more intense wank.

Tying a belt or a tie to a hook or bar and then putting it around your neck , lean into it to reduce circulation to the head, shove a finger up your butt and away you go, thats having a chokey pokey bum wank!

by swordy January 17, 2013

Bum wank

like a tit wank but with your arse

kristen didn't want full anal so offered a bum wank instead

by watermelonclitlicker May 31, 2010

Double wank and shit chips

To say something has gone badly/is going to have negative consequences.

First coined by Glenn Cullen on The Thick of it.

'Thats double wank and shit chips.'

by tombigglestone1 February 19, 2009

Monster Wank

The art of masturbating whilst furiously running round hitting and kicking in a frenzied state in an attempt to destroy as much of the room you're in as possible

"Wow I just had a monster wank in my bedroom and chucked my computer through the window."

"Doctor, i've broken all my knuckles and cut my forehead."
"What were you doing?"
"Having a monster wank"

by Eddy The Hero August 17, 2008

Meerkat Wank

Similar to a danger wank in that the process involves masterbating while fully aware of the very real danger of being caught out, either by a parent, family member, work colleague, etc. The difference is that with a Meerkat Wank you are standing up whilst having a danger wank, and so are straining your head and neck whilst listening and looking out for anyone who might catch you in the act. Looking like a meerkat standing sentry on it's rear legs as you do so.

I was that worried getting caught by my wife stroking one out the other night I ended up having a full on meerkat wank.

by G_inthehouse March 18, 2009

Rage Wank

Rage wanking is the act of masturbation in order relieve stress or calm one's self down as opposed to masturbating to relieve sexual tension. A rage wank is akin to raping yourself.

Jim: I heard you dumped Jenny last night?

Tom: Yeah that bitch is a cheating whore, so I beat her up in my head and rage wanked to it.

by Wolf's Hook May 8, 2010