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Absolute Fucking Bullshit 

I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.

absolute unit 

A person or an animal who is very large in stature. Can be used for referring to an over weight or completely shredded person or animal.
“Wow, Jeremy is so ripped! An absolute unit!”
absolute unit by Jessi Duke June 16, 2018

Absolute fucking retards

The term given to fans of Nicki Minaj, similar to "Beliebers" and "Directioners"
Hey look at those absolute fucking retards, they're probably listening to nicki minaj

I feel sorry for them
Absolute fucking retards by noie October 15, 2012

Absolute Edition 

The way DC Comics has to give their best stories ever the best edition humanly possible, in the form of slipcased, oversized, big honking hardcover books with loads of DVD-style extras and a tag price of $50, $75 or $100 according to the size of the thing. There's been 14 so far, and more will be coming in the future. Oh, and they weigh so much you can hit someone with them, although the idea is putting them in a big bookshelf besides your signed limited novels and impress the comic geek next door. Not to be read taking a crap.
Absolute Watchmen, Absolute Dark Knight , Absolute Sandman 1-4, Crisis On Infinite Earths the Absolute Edition
Absolute Edition by Hector Ivan November 10, 2008

Absolute Dank 

Extremely impressive, inspiring , great admiration and apprehension. The opposite of literal ass.
Dude that jay jay sandwich was absolute dank. Bro!

Absolute Fuckery 

Something that is completely unfair, ridiculous, or shameful. It is generally used towards a situation/event rather than a person/thing.
Carl (at work)- Did you hear?
Steve- Hear what?
Carl- Shayla is making us work on Saturday.
Steve- That is absolute Fuckery!
Absolute Fuckery by LemonZest June 19, 2016