Teleshopping 

Channels dedicated to pointless gadgets you will never need, unbelievably fake photoshopped images, patronizing rhetorical questions and the worst actors on the face of the earth.

Teleshopping:

**HEY! Are you a fat loser with no friends?**

Guy at home: No.

**Then you need,THE FAT-BUSTER-CARDIO-CRUNCHER-ABS-BUILDER-FRIEND-FINDER 3000! It was £300 but you can get now for just £299.99!
Just Call: 0800-IMAFATLOSERWITHNOFRIENDSANDNEEDTHEFATBUSTERCARDIOCRUNCHERABSBUILDERFRIENDFINDER3000PLS Terms and conditions apply batteries not included.**

Teleshopping by Ashleyy(: February 20, 2009

telescoping 

to masturbate into a tube and then ejaculate through the tube into someones eye

i was banging this bird last night. grabbed a toilet roll tube and proceeded in some telescoping

telescoping by luvchild1 September 22, 2009

telesex 

Telephone sex. Having sex with telephone.

I'm having telesex in the public telephone.

telesex by SandaimeSpaceMan February 24, 2008

Telesto 

A very popular fusion rifles from the game Destiny / Destiny 2. An iconic weapon that fires off tiny purple fireworks that explode after a short delay. Sort of like explosive diarrhea when you think its finally stopped. Players often like to rhyme the guns name with other words.

Person 1: Hey dude, what's your favorite fusion rifle?
Person 2: Telesto, its the besto.

Telesto by Atlas_975 October 10, 2018

telescopic swaphook 

A male reproductive organ, which seems small or regular in size in the beginning, but can extend to unsuspected lengths

Girl: "Your wiener looks so small"
Boy: "Well watch my telescopic swaphook do the Hubble, baby"
Girl: * slurp *

telescopic swaphook by Linguistian July 25, 2008

Telestalketer 

A particularly aggressive (sometimes hostile) telemarketer who won't take no for an answer and calls daily.

Can't we get the this phone number blocked? It's a telestalketer!

Telestalketer by SCNYC January 14, 2011

Telescoping 

Doing research on someone in a professional capacity, as preparation for an interview or informational meet up. I.e. you've only interacted briefly through email, so now you need to know what they look like, where/what they studied, and what work they're doing now, etc. before you hop on the phone or meet for an in-person coffee.

Can also be purely interest-based, e.g. someone you think is doing cool shit, want to get to know, and possibly collab with.

Basically internet stalking, but with the goal to come prepared to have a great convo and finesse a connection.

Something ambitious millennial artists and yuppies do, so they're in the know with dope people in their industry.

I'm getting coffee with them tomorrow, but I don't even know what they look like, so I'll have to do some telescoping tonight.

Telescoping by rwisgjg August 22, 2019