Laugh and behold, the fates decided to agree with his request and grant it in the most hideous manner possible, for when he awoke
the next day, instead of gazing at the ceiling above him, an inflamed phallus emerged from each eyelid.
He soon found himself standing on
street corners, destitude and holding up a cardboard sign that read "Please be my friend" while civilians passed by and laughed, for he couldn't hide his
erections, and when limp, his new penis-eyes looked hideous as ever. Über sat down and began to weep, though it was naught but urine trickling down his cheeks.
Truly, a lesson is to be learned from all this: Don't be an Über!