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ferret fiddling

A practice employed by British South Eastern Farmers for several centuries. The act itself involves stimulating the nether regions of a ferret, so that said ferret can de-stress and continue to ward off evil spirits. Obviously it goes without saying that the farmers didn't mind either.
Daves wife could tell from the wet patch on his lap that he'd been vigourously ferret fiddling, cripes!
ferret fiddling by egnaro May 17, 2005

fiddling a loose one 

when you give someone with whiskey dick a hand job to try to get it up, but of course, they have whiskey dick, so you can't get it up. so the penis just kind of flops around while you fiddle with it. the worst thing that can happen to a drunk and horny individual.
Girl 1: "Man, Casey had whiskey dick, so I was fiddling a loose one for a while"
Girl 2: "Dude that sucks...sorry you didn't get it in!"

fiddling while Rome burns 

To occupy oneself with unimportant matters and neglect priorities during a crisis.

Origin: (The source of this phrase is the story that Nero played the fiddle (violin) while Rome Burned during the Great Fire in AD 64).
duskins: "Just waiting for the time to be ideal!"
Zavah: "That time is never going to exist,why are you fiddling while Rome burns?"
duskins: . . . "oh f***." >_<
I'm fiddling so leave me be!
I really need to fiddle.
Fiddling by indiana princess October 31, 2010

fiddling the ferret 

To masturbate. To stroke one's own penis. To jerk off.
After Sara turned out to be a bitch and he realized Heather was a gold-digging whore, Al stayed home, glumly fiddling the ferret to porn he found on imagefap.
fiddling the ferret by Blenderhead91 September 7, 2010