theinstigator's definitions
When someone has an orgasm so intense it is a life-changer. In a 1999 field study of 125 people who had experienced a climax of this magnitude, 15 died of heart attacks during the orgasm, 32 swore a lifetime of devotion to their lover, 43 swore a lifetime of devotion to their hand, 23 committed suicide convinced they had experienced the ultimate thrill life could give them, 11 began touring as motivational speakers, and one decided he was going to watch the Britney Spears video "Baby, One More Time" one more time to see if he could replicate his orgasmic event. Less than a minute into the video he had a seizure and died en route to the hospital.
(from "My Date With Giganti Tongue") ...her heart skipped, she held her breathe, THERE, oh my. She felt her soul fluttering from her body in ecstasy. Her limbs shuddered and she rode the orgasm like James Bond rode the tidal wave caused by the collapsed iceberg in the one where Halle Berry wore a bikini but was trapped in that igloo by the mad Korean. Hummingbirds peppered her heart with kisses and she felt higher than Cheech and Chong at a Grateful Dead concert in a jet flying over Mount Everest. And then, as the orgasmic event slowly subsided, there was that ultimate moment of clarity when suddenly she felt she could prove Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a load of horseshit.
by theinstigator January 13, 2014
Get the orgasmic event mug.one who is so horny and depraved they will have sex with anything and everything they can find at the peak of their sexual lust. Though popular opinion would suggest being a spasmanian devil is a male behavior, studies have shown females to qualify as well. One study placed a male subject alone in a furnished house with hidden cameras. He was given porn and other types of erotic stimuli. The urge to have sex became totally overpowering. In the mayhem that followed he had sex with two couch pillows, three socks, a medium size cantaloupe, a vase, a cherry pie, a parka, and a paper towel cylinder before finally finishing off in the hole of a subwoofer. A female subject was placed in the same test conditions. She got so worked up she had sex with three carrots, a cucumber, an over-ripe banana, a television remote, a Coca-Cola classic bottle, the left handlebar from a 1962 Harley Panhead, and a rolling pin before climaxing with a Prell Guava Shampoo bottle (the concave design with ribbed grip to prevent dropping in the shower.)
Nobody would allow Harold to have more than two drinks at a party. They all remembered the previous summer when, at the Dorfman's pool party he got so drunk and horny he turned into a spasmanian devil and tried to fuck a life jacket, a inflatable water wing, the pool vacuum, Fred Dorfman and Shermie the cocker spaniel.
by theinstigator January 1, 2014
Get the spasmanian devil mug.a person of below average intelligence who possesses a sixth sense about women's breasts, often knowing specific personal details about them with a single glance at a fully clothed woman. In a 1987 Michigan State University study, one tidiot savant with an IQ of 83 was tested by looking at pictures of just the faces of the 50 Miss America contestants. He was able to give the exact breast size of 96% of the women, incorrectly guessing only Miss Alaska and Miss Hawaii, but was correct on all 48 contiguous states.
Jim: Why did you bring Nate along with us to the bar? He's such a doof.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.
by theinstigator December 15, 2013
Get the titiot savant mug.The kind of woman who is so wild in bed she might happily do the kinkiest thing your twisted little mind could conjure up and she would really get off on the raw sexual energy from such an act --- but...she could also wake up 3 hours later and go Lorena Bobbit on your ass and lop your dick off with a Ginsu carving knife, tossing your pathetic little wee wee in the huge pond out back to feed the snapping turtles---all because you forgot to put the cap back on the tube of toothpaste. Bipolar pussy is absolute THE BEST sex one could ever have but one has to keep in mind that the crazy IS going to come out eventually so be ready to lose anything and possibly everything. Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.
SCENE: KITCHEN, A NAKED MAN HAS A NAKED WOMAN BENT OVER THE OPEN DOOR OF HIS STOVE, HER HEAD IS IN THE OVEN AND HE IS FUCKING HER ASS WITH THE HANDLE OF A MEDIUM SAUCEPAN. SHE IS SCREAMING IN ECSTASY.
RITA: Yes, yes! Use the extra large cast iron skillet handle!
As the man hurries to grab the skillet, the CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE ROOM INTO THE FRONT ROOM WHERE RITA'S CLOTHES ARE STREWN ABOUT IN THE ORDER SHE TOOK THEM OFF FROM THE TIME SHE ENTERED THE FRONT DOOR.
ANNOUNCER: Bill thought he had hooked up with a dream woman; one who just gave him the best night of sex he'd ever had...
AND AS THE CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR...
ANNOUNCER: ...but he would soon find out...
CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND SHOWS BILL'S FRONT LAWN:
Tire tracks are in circles on the front lawn and lead to a Pink Ford Ranger which has the mailbox lodged in it's grill. A Blue Chevy Silverado is parked neatly in the driveway but has "SHE LOVES ME" keyed in the side of the nice paint. And a dog is hanging by its neck from a garden hose which is strung from a short vertical flagpole to the right of the front door.
ANNOUNCER: ...he had hooked up with...Bipolar Pussy!
RITA: Yes, yes! Use the extra large cast iron skillet handle!
As the man hurries to grab the skillet, the CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE ROOM INTO THE FRONT ROOM WHERE RITA'S CLOTHES ARE STREWN ABOUT IN THE ORDER SHE TOOK THEM OFF FROM THE TIME SHE ENTERED THE FRONT DOOR.
ANNOUNCER: Bill thought he had hooked up with a dream woman; one who just gave him the best night of sex he'd ever had...
AND AS THE CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR...
ANNOUNCER: ...but he would soon find out...
CAMERA BACKS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND SHOWS BILL'S FRONT LAWN:
Tire tracks are in circles on the front lawn and lead to a Pink Ford Ranger which has the mailbox lodged in it's grill. A Blue Chevy Silverado is parked neatly in the driveway but has "SHE LOVES ME" keyed in the side of the nice paint. And a dog is hanging by its neck from a garden hose which is strung from a short vertical flagpole to the right of the front door.
ANNOUNCER: ...he had hooked up with...Bipolar Pussy!
by theinstigator October 1, 2016
Get the Bipolar Pussy mug.the presence of someone, usually female, with an incredibly nice ass which renders one unable to concentrate on work, school or any other task. Though usually affecting men, it has been known to happen to women as well.
Bill: I just marked all those 32" televisions the wrong price. The boss almost fired me.
Jim: What happened?
Bill: I was paying too much attention to the booty on that new girl in the camera department.
Jim: Oh, I could stare at that all day.
Bill: I know, but it's such an asstraction.
Jim: What happened?
Bill: I was paying too much attention to the booty on that new girl in the camera department.
Jim: Oh, I could stare at that all day.
Bill: I know, but it's such an asstraction.
by theinstigator December 13, 2013
Get the asstraction mug.the state a man is in after a totally messed up role-play session with a woman where he dresses up like a lion and she as a gnu or wildebeest. After their sexual game is taken outside, he loses track of her and finally notices the "wounded" wildebeest "struggling" beneath a tree. He stalks then pounces, gnawing playfully on the neck and back. Then he begins to have sex with the "helpless animal" until he ultimately climaxes and the "gnu" becomes completely motionless. Then he looks up and there- in costume- is his partner, aghast. It is then that he realizes he has just humped an actual wounded wildebeest and the last thing it felt before it died was his own shimmering orgasm. His woman calls him a sick fuck and tells everyone she knows. He is shunned from society, while she- in her wildebeest costume- is treated like the gnu girl in town. She becomes a celebrity and is welcomed everywhere, which really sucks because she is the one who suggested the role-play idea in the first place. But that is the gnu world order.
Jules always asks for three words of English from any dead wildebeest before he has sex with it. He doesn't want any part of the gnu world order.
by theinstigator January 1, 2014
Get the gnu world order mug.A hairy pussy, usually one that is thick and matted over like those heavy holiday sweaters with tangled pubes like they’ve been woven by Amish elves. Yeah, imagine trying to fuck that!
Dolph: Damn, bro. I just had my hand down Frita's pants!
Gregor: Score, dude!
Dolph: Not so fast, Holmes. I couldn't even get my fingers in her pussy.
Gregor: Seriously? Was she fightin' it?
Dolph: Naw, man. Her hair down there was impenetrable.
Gregor: Whoa.
Dolph: Yeah, bud. It was like she had a va-jay-jay sweater
Gregor: Score, dude!
Dolph: Not so fast, Holmes. I couldn't even get my fingers in her pussy.
Gregor: Seriously? Was she fightin' it?
Dolph: Naw, man. Her hair down there was impenetrable.
Gregor: Whoa.
Dolph: Yeah, bud. It was like she had a va-jay-jay sweater
by theinstigator October 18, 2016
Get the Va-jay-jay Sweater mug.