theinstigator's definitions

spasmanian devil

one who is so horny and depraved they will have sex with anything and everything they can find at the peak of their sexual lust. Though popular opinion would suggest being a spasmanian devil is a male behavior, studies have shown females to qualify as well. One study placed a male subject alone in a furnished house with hidden cameras. He was given porn and other types of erotic stimuli. The urge to have sex became totally overpowering. In the mayhem that followed he had sex with two couch pillows, three socks, a medium size cantaloupe, a vase, a cherry pie, a parka, and a paper towel cylinder before finally finishing off in the hole of a subwoofer. A female subject was placed in the same test conditions. She got so worked up she had sex with three carrots, a cucumber, an over-ripe banana, a television remote, a Coca-Cola classic bottle, the left handlebar from a 1962 Harley Panhead, and a rolling pin before climaxing with a Prell Guava Shampoo bottle (the concave design with ribbed grip to prevent dropping in the shower.)

Nobody would allow Harold to have more than two drinks at a party. They all remembered the previous summer when, at the Dorfman's pool party he got so drunk and horny he turned into a spasmanian devil and tried to fuck a life jacket, a inflatable water wing, the pool vacuum, Fred Dorfman and Shermie the cocker spaniel.

by theinstigator January 1, 2014

titiot savant

a person of below average intelligence who possesses a sixth sense about women's breasts, often knowing specific personal details about them with a single glance at a fully clothed woman. In a 1987 Michigan State University study, one tidiot savant with an IQ of 83 was tested by looking at pictures of just the faces of the 50 Miss America contestants. He was able to give the exact breast size of 96% of the women, incorrectly guessing only Miss Alaska and Miss Hawaii, but was correct on all 48 contiguous states.

Jim: Why did you bring Nate along with us to the bar? He's such a doof.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.

by theinstigator December 15, 2013

Take her to Poletown

Take her to Poletown is a way for a guy to tell someone that they are going to have sex with a certain woman. It may be mistaken by the more naïve person (even the woman herself) as a reference to the Polish district of a large city but that is just a guy's way of letting another know (wink, wink) that sometime in the near future his dick's going to be wearing her Va-jay-jay sweater.

Cal: Hey, Frankie. I got a date this Friday with Paulette.

Frankie: Damn! She is so freakin’ hot!

Cal: Yeah. Guaranteed, man, Within two weeks I’m going to take her to Poletown!

by theinstigator October 18, 2016

Warning shot over the bow

When a lady is giving her man a handjob or blowjob and the pressure has built and the first blast of jizz shoots up over her head, possibly into her hair. It is quite similar to the naval maneuver where one ship intentionally shoots high and beyond another ship as a warning that they are well within firing range and bad things will happen if proper action is not taken. In our case, though, it is a warning to the lady that she better hurry and point that babymaker in the direction she wants the rest of the jizz to go whether it's her mouth, tits, face (NOT THE EYES!!!)

Suddenly, a blast of cum shot up toward Jane's face. She flinched and the thick stream shot just over her forehead and dropped in Jane's hair from front to back like a pearly river. Recognizing this as a warning shot over the bow, Jane wanted to protect her eyes so she quickly put her mouth over Doug's cock. She soon realized it was too much to handle as every contraction from Doug sent another stream into her mouth and soon it poured down her chin and all over her succulent breasts. By the time his orgasm had ended Jane was plastered with the thick goo. It was very evident to Jane that Doug hadn't been with a woman in a while.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

sheep farmer

A guy who convinces a woman to put on wool skirt and sweater and take a drive out to the country with him until they come to a nice pasture with a split-rail fence. He convinces her to put her head through the fence where he bends a board down to trap her head so she’s stuck in the fence in a bent over position. He then pulls up her skirt and fucks her from behind. After he finishes, he strips her naked and pulls out some sheers and shaves her head completely. He then tells the crying woman if she says, “baa” six times he will release her. But when she does, it turns the suck bastard on and he humps her again.

Betty: Why are you wearing a wig?
Veronica: I went out with a sheep farmer last night.
Betty: What's his name?
Veronica: Baaaa-b

by theinstigator June 3, 2016

gnu world order

the state a man is in after a totally messed up role-play session with a woman where he dresses up like a lion and she as a gnu or wildebeest. After their sexual game is taken outside, he loses track of her and finally notices the "wounded" wildebeest "struggling" beneath a tree. He stalks then pounces, gnawing playfully on the neck and back. Then he begins to have sex with the "helpless animal" until he ultimately climaxes and the "gnu" becomes completely motionless. Then he looks up and there- in costume- is his partner, aghast. It is then that he realizes he has just humped an actual wounded wildebeest and the last thing it felt before it died was his own shimmering orgasm. His woman calls him a sick fuck and tells everyone she knows. He is shunned from society, while she- in her wildebeest costume- is treated like the gnu girl in town. She becomes a celebrity and is welcomed everywhere, which really sucks because she is the one who suggested the role-play idea in the first place. But that is the gnu world order.

Jules always asks for three words of English from any dead wildebeest before he has sex with it. He doesn't want any part of the gnu world order.

by theinstigator January 1, 2014

fart parachute

the occurrence of really loose pants puffing up with air and becoming taut due to a powerful fart.

Harry: Will you look at that.

Greg: What? Mary?
Harry: Yeah. She's way too large to be wearing yoga pants. And even as big as she is, the pants look kinda baggy.
Greg: Whoa! What the hell happened?
Harry: Hah! She farted!
Greg: Her pants inflated! That's incredible!
Harry: That, my friend, was a fart parachute.

by theinstigator December 15, 2013